Guys validate my feelings
We met on a dating app and quickly formed a deep connection, spending hours talking on the phone. However, this initial closeness soon gave way to inconsistency. He began pulling away, ghosting me, and repeatedly canceling plans at the last minute. Realizing the lack of mutual effort, I chose to step back and stop contacting him, though I struggled to fully let him go.Months later, during a vulnerable night following a difficult breakup, I reached out to him. We instantly fell back into our old rhythm, leading to a wonderful night out together. Shortly after, he abruptly asked me to date him. Though I initially felt it was too sudden and asked for time, I eventually decided to give it a chance and said yes.Once I committed, the dynamic flipped. He immediately grew distant, claiming we were moving too fast and refusing to initiate conversations. I found myself carrying the entire weight of the relationship, constantly seeking the reassurance I needed. While he became my primary emotional safe place, he remained entirely ambiguous about his own feelings and intentions.With his departure from the country just two months away, our emotional disconnect came to a head. After I confessed how attached and restless I had become, he chose to end contact. His parting message was that I needed to work on myself rather than rely on a relationship. He concluded by calling me "naive" and stating he could no longer take on the stress of being my emotional support. I still feel maybe he was right,maybe I need to work on myself but we shared something so beautiful and if he wanted to it would've been a good relationship.I don't know .
@tallBeach7473
I am sorry you are going thru a difficult time.
I think many of us learn the hard way even if we think things are great unless we are having honest communication many of us do not see a relationship from another person's perspective. working on ourselves is always a good idea as we can change ourselves but cannot change others.
I think he did you a favor in telling you that the stress of relationship was too much. so many just back away or disconnect leaving us confused. He explained maybe with some self-work you will not fall into a pattern in the future ... his parting words are a nugget of insight some people do not share. I feel that shows in his own way he really cares but cannot see being in a stressed relationship. some of my best growing moments in life were from some helpful suggestions even if at the time I was not happy to hear it.
Yeah, it’s really hard to just wipe the slate clean. But I realized I needed to work on myself, and doing that daily work has brought me so much calm. When I was with him, I was constantly anxious about everything, so this breathing room feels amazing. I guess my only real concern now is figuring out when the right time is to put myself back out there.
@tallBeach7473
There is no rush too many IMO feel they must be in some relationship some settle or try to make relationships work instead of being alone.
NO one is keeping score of if you are in a relationship or not OR the time to find a new one etc. that kind of stress will repeat the pattern you will know when something new works instead of trying to make one work.
Yeah, it’s really hard to just wipe the slate clean. But I realized I needed to work on myself, and doing that daily work has brought me so much calm. When I was with him, I was constantly anxious about everything, so this breathing room feels amazing. I guess my only real concern now is figuring out when the right time is to put myself back out there
I'm not sure, seems like game-playing, the thrill of the chase. The challenge is to pursue you, wear you down, but once they have you, it's no longer special and appealing.
At least you know for next time, take it slowly, trust your instincts, don't always be available and let it progress naturally.
Two people need to make the effort, as soon as I see someone isn't, I retreat and watch and wait to see how they respond...
Some won't do anything, some will panic and some will ask to talk.. But ghosting? Pfft. I will never chase someone that doesn't realise how unique I am and I wouldn't advise it for anyone either.
There's always a way to contact and say, this isn't working or I'm going through something, I need time, rather than making you guess their next move.
This is so true. I agree.
@tallBeach7473
He absolutely should worry about working on himself.
Not just laying the blame at your feet.
He ghosted.
Blew hot and cold.
Made no effort.
Very immature for him to act like you're the problem 💛
