Healthy or Not

My last relationship was serious and committed on my part, but my ex partner was extremely toxic (DV) and caused me a lot of trauma from his actions. It’s been 2.5 years since we stopped dating and I’ve completely moved on. However, the trauma and memories of it are still painful.

Anyway, now I’ve met a guy and he seems really steady, stable and reliable. The only problem is that I find this relationship, emotionally unfulfilling, and boring. We only talk once a week when we go on our date and he never texts me in between (unless it’s to tell me he bought a gift for me or plan the next date). Whenever he does text me It just seems really lazy. It’s really confusing because in person he seems to be putting a lot of effort, but even though I’ve tried to bring it up he doesn’t seem to want to increase the amount of communication or time we spend together.

Honestly, he just seem totally fine without talking to me. He claims that his ex relationship was controlling and he feels better with more independence. I respect that am glad he shared. We’ve been going out for three months now and he started to want physical intimacy and I don’t. I also feel like we don’t even know each other because we talk so little.

Now after my ex, I’m a big fan of the “let them” theory. So I won’t pursue someone who isn’t pursuing me back. That means that I won’t continue to text him if he doesn’t care to text me between dates.

I know that when you leave a toxic relationship, a healthy one feels really boring sometimes but this just feels like there’s nothing there outside of the one night a week we see each other.

I feel like you have to communicate more than that to have a relationship, but he disagrees. I guess I’m just not sure what to do because everything else about him is fine. He’s kind and communicates in person. He puts a lot of thought into dates and frequently buys me a little gifts. He clearly listens to what I say when we do talk because the things he does/buys me are usually about things I’ve told him. We seem to have the same values and agree on things pretty easily.

This feeling of disappointment and boredom is so weird to me that I wonder, what if I’m the problem? Maybe I feel like my life isn’t fulfilling. But I like my hobbies and I enjoy the things that I’m pursuing right now. I have lots of goals. Before I met him, I felt really fulfilled in life, and I was actually quite surprised because I felt like everything finally fell into line. But now all of a sudden, I feel so purposeless and almost depressed like nothing really makes me happy or something.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone’s ever felt this way or been through something similar?

I don’t really know why I feel this way all of a sudden. But what’s worse is that I don’t know what to do about it. I thought if something in your life feels wrong, you should fix it right?