Help me to save the situation please

@GoodThinker7

It sounds to me like you need to put yourself first. Ask yourself what sort of relationship would you like, as you deserve to be treated well. 

@GoodThinker7

The hard reality is, you cannot make it what it was before but you can make it something new!

They takes effort, communication and respect from both sides and both of you asking the hard question, do youse want to be together and if so, are youse willing to change!

💕💜

@GoodThinker7

Hello. Please, forgive me if I won't be telling you too many good words you asked for. But the situation looks serious, and the last thing I need would be to lull you into a false sense of security, that could result in your making any bad decisions and regret it in future.

Let's start with saying that I believe ghosting, i.e. breaking a connection without a word of explanation, ignoring contact attempts, or treating someone with just an intermittent contact is very harmful to this person's mental wellbeing, and shouldn't be excused under most circumstances.

To my mind it's also not good to "shop around" for other romantic opportunities while a person is in a relationship. And I am afraid that may not be the best moment to make any decisions about the engagement ring or the wedding...

What you both need might be some serious, straightforward and honest conversation.

If I were in such a situation, I would directly ask my partner "What are you doing on the online dating site?". But then she would ask me how I got there. And then the entire conversation becomes immensely volatile and fragile... Though maybe could lead to some open statements or clear conclusions...

However, there is one exception: people who are going to engage or get married soon may sometimes get panicky.

That also happened to me. In the eve of my wedding I was sharing my doubts with a couple of my friends. I divorced 8 years later on... Still, me and my wife had several years of quite a happy marriage, and I really appreciate that time.

There might be lot of reasons why relationship people go the dating sites. Starting from the most serious possibilities, they might experience bipolar disorder (BD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD), which might make them swing from hyperactivity and excitement to depression and withdrawal from social connections. Needles to say their swinging moods might be relayed to the partner.

But maybe more often some people are not ready for a permanent relationship, too anxious to trust just a single person, or struggling with low self-esteem and low self-acceptance, what makes them look for alternative sources of acceptance and admiration.

Also, it can be some kind of anxiety with a dash of lack of relationship-building skills. Then people feel better during the "high", excitement, hopes&dreams phase of a new relationship, while struggling to find their way in the grounded, developing an already existing one.

I believe that with wisdom, calmness and some honest talk with your partner you can face such a situation and make your life and happiness go into a good direction 💜