He wasnt mine to begin with.. Choosing realty and finding strength in myself..

Hi everyone,

I’m new here, just browsing and figuring out how to share my experience anonymously. I’m afraid of judgment and what people might say, but I also need to let this out.

I’m in a relationship with someone 15 years older than me. We met at work when he joined our company, and everyone knew he had recently gotten married. At first, I had no feelings for him—I simply saw him as a colleague and treated him with respect, like an older brother. But over time, as we worked together, I got to know him better. A part of me felt a little disappointed, thinking that all the good and faithful men were already taken.

He started showing me kindness—bringing me food, chatting about work and life, and even reassuring me that I would find the right person when the time was right. Then one day, he confessed that he cared for me and loved me but couldn’t hold it in anymore. At that time, I had already started developing feelings for him, but I kept my boundaries because I knew he was married. I turned him down and told him I didn’t see him that way.

After that conversation, we didn’t talk for almost a week. I didn’t understand why, but I felt an ache in my heart, and I even started dreaming about him. Eventually, he sent me home again, and this time, he asked me once more. He told me that his marriage was falling apart, that they constantly argued, and that he no longer loved his wife. I accepted his love with an open heart, believing that they would soon separate.

But time passed, and they were still together. I gave him an ultimatum, but he kept saying things were complicated. Then, his wife began making threats of exposure, and every time that happened, he would tell me we needed to stop communicating. He ghosted me twice—without warning—and it crushed me. At that time, I was also going through financial struggles as the breadwinner of my family, and I had no one to lean on. I cried almost every day, but after two to three months, I started picking myself up and moving forward.

Then he came back. He told me he had received bad medical news and had been too depressed to tell me. He also had family issues. I softened and accepted him again, hoping we could rebuild what we had. But something had changed in me. I loved him, but not as deeply as before. Deep down, I knew I had to prepare myself for the possibility that it would happen again.

And unfortunately, it did. This week, he told me his wife was causing problems again, and we needed to cut communication. This time, he didn’t ghost me—I knew what was happening—but it still hurt. I blocked him, removed notifications, and tried to distance myself. I sent him a final message, telling him that I do love him, but for our sake, for my family, and for peace, we need to let go.

I still cry. I feel guilty because, in my heart, I know I should never have started this relationship. I should have waited—if we were truly meant to be, it should have happened when he was free. But this is the reality now. I want to be strong so that if he ever comes back, I can finally say no.

I also hope that one day, someone will accept me and my kids and love us wholeheartedly. This is only my second relationship. My first, with the father of my two children, ended because he cheated. I forgave him once, but when he did it again, I knew I couldn’t stay.

Sometimes, I wonder—am I not good enough? Don’t I deserve to be happy? To have someone faithful who will love me and my children? But one thing is clear now: I don’t want to fall into the same situation again. And if no one comes along, I am ready to live my life alone.