Hope not a 2nd post. Spouse having untreated ADHD, projection, relationship stress

Hi all,

My spouse has untreated ADHD and despite being married for over 2 decades almost every conversation besides logistics dissolves into a very bad arguement where I am sworn at in very degrading ways, it is instant defensiveness, no compromising, instead of staying focused on the topic we are di,1scussing it is instant defensiveness on his part and then it is look at everything your not doing, therapy is doing nothing for you despite doing so much to address my issues and my therapist who does call me out on my crap, says I am growing by leaps and bounds especially in the last couple of years. Before you ask, at this time I follow fighting fair rules as much as possible and I am a former social worker and do not think I would have been a very effective social worker without great communication and listening skills. It has to be something truly aggregious for me to even think about addressing anything besides logistics. It is so exhausting and I don't feel emotionally and mentally safe. I am tettering on the verge of divorce once I find a job to fully support myself with insurance benefits. I am just so tired and I don't know that there is anything else I can do at this time. Yes, done couple's counseling, been in my own individual counseling off and on for the last 25 plus years to address my own personal issues as well, only been in hos own individual counseling for 3 months after him saying he wanted it for 2+years which he kept bringing it up to me he wanted to do and I did not nag him. He brought it up to me over and over again and I just kept saying whatever he felt would be beneficial for him. That is all I said. I don't want advice just to know I am not the only one experiencing this.