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creativePenguin5558
1 2,136 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts314 Forum posts83 Forum upvotes208 Current upvotes208 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 22, 2026
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Hope not a 2nd post. Spouse having untreated ADHD, projection, relationship stress
Relationship Stress / by creativePenguin5558
Last post
 September 10th
...See more Hi all, My spouse has untreated ADHD and despite being married for over 2 decades almost every conversation besides logistics dissolves into a very bad arguement where I am sworn at in very degrading ways, it is instant defensiveness, no compromising, instead of staying focused on the topic we are di,1scussing it is instant defensiveness on his part and then it is look at everything your not doing, therapy is doing nothing for you despite doing so much to address my issues and my therapist who does call me out on my crap, says I am growing by leaps and bounds especially in the last couple of years. Before you ask, at this time I follow fighting fair rules as much as possible and I am a former social worker and do not think I would have been a very effective social worker without great communication and listening skills. It has to be something truly aggregious for me to even think about addressing anything besides logistics. It is so exhausting and I don't feel emotionally and mentally safe. I am tettering on the verge of divorce once I find a job to fully support myself with insurance benefits. I am just so tired and I don't know that there is anything else I can do at this time. Yes, done couple's counseling, been in my own individual counseling off and on for the last 25 plus years to address my own personal issues as well, only been in hos own individual counseling for 3 months after him saying he wanted it for 2+years which he kept bringing it up to me he wanted to do and I did not nag him. He brought it up to me over and over again and I just kept saying whatever he felt would be beneficial for him. That is all I said. I don't want advice just to know I am not the only one experiencing this.
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Spouse with untreated ADHD and lots of peojection
Relationship Stress / by creativePenguin5558
Last post
 September 8th
...See more Hi everyone, I am really struggling in my marriage. I am tetteri g on a line of whether to stay in the marriage of over two decades. I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells and totally exhausted. Any discussion about anything in our relationship which is so infrequent and has to be so egregious for me to even bring anything up about anything except logistics and instead of staying focused on what we are talking about it is instant defensiveness on his part and it gets immediately turned around on look at what you are or are not doing. Before you ask, I use all the fighting fair rules, use I statements, almost never you though not perfect, blames me for not resolving our arguments when in order to resolve it, I have to take his advice and follow through on it whether it works for me or not. I am a former social worker of over 21 years and I figure while not being perfect I don't think I would have been an effective social worker wothout good communication skills. I have learned to just shut my mouth again unless it just cannot go addressed. It is so exhausting because he is not open to taking any accountability. I do my absolute best to focus on changing if a behavior is affecting our relationship in a negative way. I kinda feel like just theowing up my hands and just say I am done. Once I find a job that can support me financially I may just walk away and be done and maybe never pursue another relationship no matter how lonely I feel. Looking for empathy and support not well why haven't you left him yet?
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Sleep hygiene
Healthy Living / by creativePenguin5558
Last post
 July 16th
...See more Hey everyone, I am struggling very badly with my sleep hygiene. Going to bed at all hours, waking up at different hours, etc. I cannot seem to get myself to go to bed. I do use a cpap that I am very adjusted to so that is not the issue. It is more so avoidance and sleep procrastination. Does anyone else have suggestions besides forcing myself to do so and exercising? I struggle greatly with finding the motivation to exercise. It is getting started that is the hardest part.
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Relationship still salvageable
Relationship Stress / by creativePenguin5558
Last post
 March 1st
...See more I am married for over 20 years. I have so much hurt which has turned into deep bitterness and anger towards my spouse that I am right now teetering on the fence of sticking it out or calling it quits once I can find a job that will support myself. My husband is frequently nitpicking and critical of how I do pretty much anything. I have been staying at home since 2020 for a multitude of reasons and it seems that we almost never tackle anything as a team, I spent so many years with gaslighting, projection, etc and now after all these years ofcriticism, accusations, him not listening etc he wants to try and connect but then makes no effort to support me emotionally and we never do anything together usually because of his work which is a whole other chapter in and of itself. I am so tired of overfunctioning to his underfunctioning. If you have ever read the book the dance of anger you will understand what I mean. He finally got himself into individual counseling (something he has said he has wanted to do for the past 2 years as well as see a psychiatrist). He brought it up to me. It is my general belief that couples counseling works best when some of each person's individual struggles are being worked on individually before couple's counseling. He just started but if I am teetering on the fence should I still wait or say I don't think we can just get by with both of us doing individual counseling. I have been going to counseling for 15 plus years and find it very helpful as well as psychiatrist for meds and I know I can only change myself but being under constant stress because of the stress of the relationship makes me want to just find a safe space to allow my nervous system to decompress and I do not have that space. I just don't know if I have it in me to keep sticking it out in what feels like a transactional relationship only. I just needed to get this out.
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