How do I move past this?
I was scared to lower my guard and be vulnerable with a person. I had issues with trust and the first time I took a risk in trusting and opening up to someone, I feel like I got screwed over. It wasn't even a relationship, maybe it was more like a situationship? I don't even know now. I've asked and clarified where I stood but I never got an inch of clarity or even direct rejection. It was always "never knowing what the future holds". I feel so dumb now for staying and hoping that it will change. I feel even more stupid for catching feelings and knowing it will not be reciprocated. I feel so pathetic for letting it reach this point. I've held on long enough only for me to get betrayed and lied to. I can't help but be angry at myself for allowing this to happen but at the same time for being too forgiving despite the pain and hurt this caused me. I'm struggling to detach but I really really want to let go. I hate that I'm still hoping and longing for something but I know it's so toxic already. My mind's a mess and I don't know what to do or where to start for me to get some sense of relief and freedom. 😭
Love is in no way easy and to experience and It is a different kind of difficulty. For me it was a good help to just do something else what i like and what keeps my thoughts away. I‘m not you and maybe that commend is not near as helpful as you hope but just know theres someone who believes in you :) „There is always a light after the dark, even if everything is dark right now“
Sounds like you are being really tough on yourself, it's difficult to think straight when you're infatuated.
All you wanted was a better outcome and you deserve better treatment than you got.
I agree with the other poster, what helps me is sticking to my routine and giving that my focus, the thoughts can come and go as they please.
And/or if you feel like you need closure, you can always write out a letter, pour your feelings out, ask or write whatever you want and then either keep it or bin it.
Do what you can to take care of yourself, for me it's mud masks and tearjerkers or comedies :)
In these cases I like to make a head over heart decision, which is easier said than done, I know. Just keep in mind that self love and self respect is journey if you aren't there. Just like other great things, it takes consistency, discipline and TIME. I am also too forgiving and I'm trying to stop that now. Some things I like to do are:
1. Think of your situation happening to a friend. If this was happening to someone you love, what would you tell them. There are plenty of times I would catch myself because I just told a loved one last week that this person doesn't care about them, only to fall into the same hole. Those same feelings of outrage you feel on a friends behalf, is what you should feel towards the person who treated you poorly.
2. Think of all the bad things and how they made you feel. It's hard to feel positive when you think about all the bad things. Anytime you think about something you loved about this person, then remember something equally bad or horrible. E.g. They really helped me when I had that emergency yesterday, but then again, they're the reason I'm in this mess to begin with. Or just don't think of anything good at all, if you can help it.
3. Give yourself grace. When you love someone, oftentimes you will overlook a lot of things to preserve the connection. We just all need to work on picking the right people to love and loving ourselves enough to know that it's better to be alone than with people who are toxic.
@determinedMelon3300
Letting your guard down and trusting is always a risk and sometimes it does not work. That is not your fault any relationship or situationship has another side. This person led you on and had no intentions of being real or truthful. Holding on is what many of us do thinking it will change or get better.
We want to prove we were right in letting this person in our life etc. You are not alone in that. accepting we made a poor choice in character and moving on is often what is best. most hard things in life are not easy moving on even from a tough situation is often harder than telling ourselves it will get better and holding on to false hope. accomplishing the tough task is like super growth points in a video game hold your head high and own it moving on is about leveling up to a new chapter.
