How do I not feel like a piece of furniture in my home?
I am in what appears to be a happy marriage but in our mid 50s and craving my wife to see me as her husband again. Kids are grown but will be home soon and I want them to see loving parents not roomates.
She cares more for the pets walking past me each day after work.
I stopped initiating intimacy and now even stopped initiating hugs, kisses, etc.. so that stopped too; our bed looks like we are both trying to fall off our own sides.
It wasnt always like this, just the past few years and getting worse.
I bring it up and she says she understands but nothing changes. What I do not want is affection as another chore for her to check off a list.
Any suggestions?
@JG1995
It sounds like you tried talking but did not successfully communicate what you are feeling or wanting. dealing with it sooner than later is important IMO, I went through this too. if you do not resolve this is how many find themselves seeking attention and validation to someone else.
We sometimes approach too cautiously instead of laying it out ... you are lonely and feel ignored and have no intimacy in your life. It happens to so many couples we think there will be this time to just be a couple after kids grow up and move out. We try things to rekindle but our patterns or vision does not match the other persons.
many try couples counseling finding it easier to say things with a person there less likely the person shuts us down and they really listen.
Thank you but it is hard to do couples counseling when she is happy and thinks I am being drammatic or weak expressing what I need
@JG1995
I get that.
I, too thought my partner was happy with how things were going. They were not but were going thru the motions thinking I was OK with how things are. It is an awful way to live.
They did not see how I felt either. I suggested counseling but instead we ended up have a conversation that was no topic off limits and not holding back .... it was eye opening. some thoughts shared were not easy to hear. When we are in everyday life with jobs and kids and such, we need to see each other, NOT as the person they were years ago, or we "know" them most people change sometimes slowly and we missed it.
@JG1995
Remember going through the motions is surviving......... not... Living.
If you feel she is happy as is.... go find your happy.
Happy in a hobby, friends, travel etc. on your own, showing her, you are not dramatic or weak, but you are also not a piece of furniture just waiting for her to decide you are worth her attention. Time is a commodity we never know how much we have so spend it wisely. There is no prize staying in a situation that does value you.
That is the path I am starting now more focused on me and not reaching for her.
It is hard with stressful jobs to no longer have that physical touch at home for relief but I cannot be the only one making an effort.
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