How do I rebuild trust?
I made a mistake in my relationship, I cheated, not physically but online. We've been together 3 years now. I had no intentions to cheat, it's just I found myself bored one day and accepted a friend request (with no intentions of anything) and something that started out as a simple conversation ended up turning into flirting. This happened with 3 people, and I knew what I was doing was wrong and it was really bothering me, but for some reason it took me almost a month before I brought myself to cut ties with these people. But I did, I managed to cut ties and I was proud of myself for it. Then my girlfriend found out. Long story short, we both want to be able to work through this, we just don't know how or even where to start.
@brandon061306
Start at the beginning... What was missing in your world that these conversations filled?
When I did something similar..... it was my partner never wanted to talk much and just did bobble head nods.
So, I got my conversations of current events or trending items even politics with others... online chat boards / co-workers / neighbors etc. Yes, some led to flirting but was not something I would act on.... When partner was "why are you talking to them all the time?" I said, "because you won't or can't hold a conversation and I am bored stiff". Changed his participation level in an instant.
We do things in life that we get something out of it. It is a big boost to be flirted with sometimes having a good conversation with others is filling. If our partners for example do not like certain subjects or same interests as us. The conversation leading to flirts can be harmless and happens far more than anyone admits. I think it only became this issue when people decided to label it as some form of cheating.
It is also human nature to like being noticed by others. Was it getting the feeling you were funny and interesting or listened to. Even different perspectives and information we did not think of.
That is what many get from it. If we do not tell our partners the truth that we need to feel listened to and appreciated it will happen again.
You ended it I am proud of you.
But the issue is I wasn't lacking anything, everything is perfect and I couldn't ask for anything more. I just found myself bored, not of my relationship but just of my everyday life. I felt like branching out, and not as in trying to find a different person, but just to connect with other people being that I'm quite the introvert. It's just things led to flirting, and I guess it did feel good to know that I'm found attractive by other people. But it's not what I want, or ever wanted in the first place. My biggest goal is figuring out what I can do to gain her trust back, I don't know where to start or what to do. I'm looking into therapy, talking in groups like this, I wanna be able to show her that I'm able to change and fix my mistake.
@brandon061306
How we feel about ourselves and everyday life is part of a relationship... it is not separate. Life is not compartmentalized.
I think discussing it will help. When left undiscussed it sticks around in background and will pop up next time there is an issue. Moving forward treat this as a lesson and you can move past. Only she knows what she wants you to do to rebuild trust. Suggestions or opinions may spur ideas but may miss the mark.
Did you share with her your wanting change your wanting to branch out. Or tell her any changes you may want to try? Trying new things to find interest can be a couple thing. What has she said?
My ex did the cheating thing on me and I couldn’t do it anymore so I left and moved on from him.
My ex did the cheating thing on me and I couldn’t do it anymore so I left and moved on from him.
