How do you make everything better?
In the end of March I started dating a girl I've had a crush on for years. Everything was really really good. No sign of anything bad happening between us. And last week, something happened in her life, something personal. And she said she needed space. Me being an overthinker, I got anxious, started imagining the worst, even that she'd maybe break up. I constantly bothered her with that instead of giving her space. And I think I messed everything up. Two days ago I went to surprise her with a bouquet and say how sorry I am. Even left a note. And that was it. She said we'll go out and talk. And I'm thinking about asking her tomorrow if we can do that for the weekend. I didn't text her since Monday. And I'm just scared I ruined everything. I'm scared I lost my chance with someone I could actually call my soulmate. I started looking for positivity everywhere, in astrologists, psychics... Everything, just to get some good news that everything will be better. I want to fix everything between us. And idk what to do if I really did lose her for good.
@tallTortoise9393
Boosting so you get more responses <3
I feel your pain. :(
*hugs*
As a fellow over thinker, I completely sympathize with you. I have ruined a few relationships doing that.
If I can be honest and not sugarcoat things, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her asking for space. (Maybe I would change my mind if I knew what the personal thing was, but that’s neither here nor there) You guys have not been dating that long (in her mind) so you’re not going to be her go to source of comfort. Maybe she’s uncomfortable sharing what the personal thing is. Maybe you won’t understand it because there’s history behind it that you aren’t privy to. Maybe she actually processes her problems alone. Space doesn’t always mean “we’re breaking up”.
I would back off. Rushing and pushing her to go out this weekend is too much. The flowers were a nice touch, but the symbolism is that you were apologizing for being overbearing, so making her go out this weekend to try to settle your mind is doing the exact same thing you did before. I would just send a text saying “I’m sorry you’re struggling. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I’m always here if you need to talk.” That leaves the door open for her to process whatever is going on with herself, but also know she can lean on you if she so chooses. And you need to be okay with whatever she chooses. Because if you hover, you’re going to drive her away. I understand that you have very strong feelings for her, but she needs time to catch up to those feelings to see if she feels the same way.
I also wonder why you think she’s your soulmate and you can’t live without her? How do you know for 100% certainty? You could very well be in love with a version of her that no longer exists. Maybe you’ll spend time together and realize you aren’t actually compatible. To me, it’s just a very strong statement to make and it gives me pause that you feel that way.
I only say all this because this actually happened to me. A guy who was best friends with my best friend’s sister had a crush on me for years and years, and out of the blue contacted me. He pursued me madly and I never knew how to take it. I loved the attention, but I hadn’t seen him in like 10 years, so I was still trying to learn about him, understand him and constantly felt like I was trying to catch up to his level of feelings. He told me it was because he was freaked out that I’d get bored with him or realized I didn’t like him and he would have blown his shot. He ended up driving me away because he was always going 100 mph and everything was do or die. I, just like her, needed time and space to process things and he didn’t know how to do that.
So, while you may think giving her space isn’t the right thing to do and you may actually lose her; you could ruin it for a whole other reason if you don’t tread lightly.
I hope I wasn’t too harsh and you can understand where I’m coming from. Please reach out if you need to!
Thank you for your reply. I'm saying she's my soulmate because we both said that, considering how we came to be together, and how perfect everything was. So I guess because of that and all the other beautiful stuff she told me, I tried holding onto her too much. But I'm trying my best to change and hopefully make it work with her again.
@tallTortoise9393
In the beginning of a relationship when things come together so easily it seems as if it was by design...not sure there are soulmates. That IMO is more of a romantic illusion.
The person grows and changes ..... as we know more and see more about the person. We cannot hold on to what was at the beginning.
Many partners try to be "fixers" and do things all the time and it pushes people away. Be upfront when she is ready to talk and let her know about your overthinking and what is driving you. maybe if she understands your view she will understand better your actions.
Thank you. I will try doing that if everything goes ok and we get to talk :(
