How to improve my communication in my relationship
There's probably a lot of background I can add to this but I'll try and keep it short.
My partner feels let down and really frustrated by me. We've come through a lot of tough times in our relationship together and I really do believe it's made us stronger. But this time I feel like she's at breaking point and I'm not sure how to support her.
She feels like she can't put a foot right and feels like I hate her at the moment. She feels like she's tried giving me different options on how to communicate with her but I insist on chatting about something then and there no matter what she's doing.
I try to put across how I feel directly after she's said how I'm making her feel and she feels like this invalidates how I'm making her feel to the point where I'm essentially ignoring how she's feeling and going well this is how I'm hurting. This isn't my intention at all - I try and listen to everything she says and then provide my point of view on how I'm feeling about the situation to hopefully come to a understanding. Is this wrong?
I care so much for my partner and she's been through so much recently and says that I haven't been there for her when she needed me. I honestly feel like I'm a terrible partner at the moment and I feel like saying I'll do better just isn't good enough anymore.
I think I really need to work on my communication skills I'm unsure on where to even start. Just at a loss and just want to make my partner happy.
@Redguy993 Book suggestion: Feeling Good Together, Dr David Burns
@Redguy993
It sounds like she also needs to work on her communication it is NOT a you problem...
If i tell my partner how i feel ... when they respond at that moment it does NOT invalidate anything i feel or said instead in many cases shows a disconnect item that from there it can be solved....
Does she have rules or suggestions that requires you to wait x amount of time to respond .......after Just her feelings have been aired and in the spotlight for x amount of time? That seems to say YOUR feelings are secondary... these reasons seem to suggest she shuts you down when you try to communicate... no matter what work you do on your side issues will be there.
when she says you want to chat at the moment even if she is doing something.... unless the item she is doing is something so important it cannot be paused ........talking in the MOMENT is far better because waiting on it lets the other person dwell on it and say things like "she is in feeling you hate her" that seems like projecting which happens when communication is not happening...
