How to not let your past affect your present?
Hello everyone :), recently I started dating someone I used to work with at my job and it's been going very well. She's been nothing but sweet to me and my family. The first time she met my baby brother she bought him toy cars she is truly a kind-hearted person and want to truly love this girl. But I feel like the more she has gotten to know me the more I feel like I'm ruining things for myself. There are so many instances where I have misunderstood what she was telling me or got upset over something that wasn't a big deal, I get tense about certain things because of the way I was raised by my parents and the relationships I've been in, I recognize these issues I have within myself and I'm so afraid that they're getting in the way of this relationship and I don't know what to do. I want to be the best person I can be, but I feel like I have problems that I haven't healed from. Another thing is my family issues, my siblings love her, but there's just a lot of things about how my parents act that have gotten in the way. I don't mean to be subtle but I just don't want to go into very deep detail.
@energeticLemon1887
Relationships are difficult.
We are bringing our past in whether we like it or not.
Just be honest.
Used clear communication.
A d try not to self sabotage.
You deserve love.
Don't put pressure on things, I e step at a time 💜 💕
@energeticLemon1887
Relationships are not about your parents or siblings. It is good she seems to get along with them in general. sounds like your parents may see it differently. The misunderstanding and tense moments are trying to appease everyone and that does not work ever.
Your post says you really want to love her. That sounds like you are trying to fit a person to check all boxes of how you were raised and what your family thinks she may not be that. I will tell you that if you find the person who fits other people's expectations the person unhappy will be you.
@energeticLemon1887It’s great that you recognize your feelings and want to improve. Everyone has past issues, and healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and communicate openly with her when misunderstandings happen. Try to explain your background gently so she can understand your reactions. Setting small goals for yourself to manage stress or tension can help. If possible, talking to a counselor might support your growth. Remember, relationships grow stronger with effort and honesty. Would you like advice on how to communicate your feelings to her?
