Hurting by choice
I'm 42 and my husband of 21 years..half my life has left. We've been having issues for a few yrs now... I was working in an executive position and he was a stay at home dad which I'm sure contributed to the disconnect. But.. his temper and lack of empathy and emotional connection especially when I'm sick was the worst. I dealt with it for so long and didn't feel like being intimate anymore so things got worse. He says intimacy.. in the bedroom is the only way he feels loved. He told me when I touched his hand in the car last week he felt cringe but he wants to touch my lady parts. That hurts. Anyhow I told him if I made him cringe that he should go..and he did. I feel so lost and hurt but it was my choice too and I feel like it's the right one. When will this ugly hurt go away and how do I stay encouraged and feel worthy??? How do I stop second guessing myself?
@purpleAcai962
Im sorry that you feel this way. You both seem to have been drifting for a while with hurt on both sides. Intimacy is important but it should feel natural and it's definitely not a given. Twenty one years is a long time and all you've known. You need space and time to figure out what you want, be that giving him a second chance or moving forward alone and meeting someone new in the future. You deserve happiness, someone who has your back, who communicated and who puts in the work , wishing you the best 💜🥰
Thanks for your comment and encouragement, really!
@purpleAcai962
“When will this ugly hurt go away and how do I stay encouraged and feel worthy??? How do I stop second guessing myself?”
I totally agree with @Amanda84 … and I’d also like to add that the grieving process is different for everyone, but it is necessary to experience: my ex-wife went through something like 2 years before there was significant progress (and mine was a bit shorter). What helps with the grieving process is to share these feelings with people who you trust (if there’s no one you trust in real life, share it here on 7Cups).
To stay encouraged and feel worthy … is where people like at 7Cups can be essential for the healing process—don't isolate.
I suggest you don’t even think about your worthiness: the fact you have life, that you take up space here on this Earth, means you have value—period. Your question isn’t about being worthy, it is about doing your best every day with normal things. Keep things simple—basic—pay your bills, eat good food, get some rest, do the laundry … these will help you stop the self-guessing.
Feel free to reach out anytime … you got this!
Thank you @FaithfulScout I appreciate the wisdom. Today is really hard. I am def feeling the physical effects of stress. Good thing is I'm getting a whole lot of laundry done today. I don't have too many people that I can really talk to. Not without judgment and them spreading things(family I mean). So I appreciate that. I feel like desperate to talk to people rn. It's a strange feeling
@purpleAcai962
Yay for laundry!!
That’s an interesting observation, the feeling of wanting to talk to people rn. My guess is that it’s a natural desire or instinct for us to connect during this time of sadness and loss. In all my years of “theorizing” I’ve never thought about it in this particular way.
Well, I would certainly encourage you to follow this desire.
(In 7Cups, members can have a “private” conversation by utilizing the Pen Pal forum. Another option would be to find a volunteer “Listener”, who is trained, to hear out your thoughts. A third option is to hire a licensed professional.)
Let me know which you choose 🙂
I don't know how to pen pal but I feel like it would be helpful
@purpleAcai962
Will be back in a few minutes ...
And yes..I think so too about being desperate to talk I feel like it's too much to process and feel all by myself. And I'm craving care from people. Whether listening or just bs'ing about random things ao I'm not stuck in my thoughts and feelings.
@purpleAcai962
Try getting to this link ...
https://www.7cups.com/forum/penpals/PenPalChats_2658/ChatwithFaithfulScoutandpurpleAcai962_359190/
... and I'll see you over there!
@purpleAcai962
💕💜
You are welcome 🥰
