IM NOT OKAY
So I've been with this girl for 3 years but we've been on and off and she recently just ended things for good and it's not because we don't love each other, the problem is I just kept messing up and she couldn't take it anymore, ever since she left me I've just felt alone and depressed cause this is the girl I wanted to marry and now she's gone, she blocked me on everything and I just feel so angry with myself cause I just kept breaking her heart and i don't know why I did what I did and I know I can only blame myself but I miss her and I don't think I can move on without her, have yall ever been in love with someone to the point where it feels like it's more than love, it feels like a soul connection? I feel like I should fight for this relationship but I don't know she wants nothing to do with me and I'm struggling to cope
Don't be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect. That includes her. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Stop doing the back and forth. She's using you in my opinion. This is emotional manipulation. Tell her you no longer want to see her and move on. Do something productive. Learn a trade. She will either want you back or nothing to do with you. Either you will have more self respect and a better outlook on life. Hope this helps.
Update: so I got back together with this girl and I don't know if I'm making the right decision or nah but after reading this I'm starting to realize that this relationship is toxic and there is emotional manipulation from both sides so I think I should end our relationship but I love her so much and I'm so attached to her, honestly I'm scared to let go