I am not good enough for a Girlfriend.
I am a guy. I am a Christian. I have a learning disability called ADHD/ADD. I wrote a post about Church hurt where I go into details on why I am not in Church anymore.
I once prayed that if I could be around Women then I might learn how to get along with them. Did that prayer get answered? I honestly don't know...
My learning disability and other mental health problems cost me two jobs before landing the job I am currently in. 22 years ago, I had no idea I would get stuck where I am at.
I am currently working for a School. I clean 2:00pm - 10:30pm. The school has around 50 Women employed, from Office Workers, Cafeteria workers, Teacher Aids, and the Teachers. Over the course of 22 years I have had lots of little interactions/talks with some of the Women there. 97% of them are already married. What I think I have learned from my experiences is that I'm not "boyfriend" material. It constantly feels like I got to walk on eggshells around them.
Since my real life is like this, I decided to try online. In the early days, it was easier for me to find a woman to talk too. But the women I would meet was always long distance away, and they were not right for me. As time went on, I found that it became harder and harder to even meet them. Since I have found myself thinking about this again for the 1 Billionth time. I decided I would write about it. See I just wrote something about it.
What is wrong with me? I think the main thing that is wrong with me is my learning disability. Somehow it effects everything about me, including my body language. The lack of connection causes depression, and everyone around me can tell that is happening too. It is like a circle that I can't get out of it. But one thing I can do is write about it.
@tryingtosurvive2024
"I decided I would write about it."
What a wonderful decision. Writing can really help process thoughts and feelings.
"See I just wrote something about it."
You did. And you wrote eloquently and thoughtfully and with great insight.
Disability is not fair. You did not chose this, and yet you have to deal with it. It is not fair that you have been given this challenge. But you seem to be rising to the challenge, finding a job that works and finding ways to talk to women, either in small amounts in person or online. Do you celebrate your achievements often? However small you might feel they are, they deserve to be celebrated.
There's nothing wrong with you. You are unique and special just like everyone else. You come across as very kind and considerate and always doing your best.
But I don't like to see you doing yourself down. You deserve better than to think you are not good enough for a girlfriend. You totally do have an extra challenge that makes it harder for you. But that doesn't make you not good enough. It's just unfair bad luck. Hold on in there, sometimes bad luck can turn into good luck in the right moment.
Oh, and please keep writing. Sometimes a thought can help someone else reading it feel a little less alone, you know.
@Clio9876 Thank you for your kind words. 😊 I will keep writing. I'm always trying to stay in touch with reality. For me it is not always easy to find what reality really is. Growing up, my Mom used to tell me: "Don't get your hopes up." Good advice for bad advice? On one hand, if I get my hopes up, and then life causes me to crash that feels awful. On the other hand, if I don't ever get my hopes up, then I feel bad all the time. I don't know how to master this dilemma.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Oh, I need to find that great comment from Greg when I had the same problem.
It was on the lines of, we should have dreams and plans, but accept that life is unpredictable, so be ready to tweak our plans to accommodate what comes up.
I think it is very true.
Ten years ago I wanted to change my job. I'm now in a different job and it has gone well for me. But it is not at all the job I imagined! Nor did it happen the way I imagined.
@Clio9876 I figure someday they might let me go. The school I work for doesn't have as many kids as it used too, and if keeps shrinking then I wouldn't put it past the administrators to try and let one of us Janitors go.
@tryingtosurvive2024
The thought that you might no longer be needed and might be let go, could lead to lots of worry.
Have you tried any of the techniques for letting go of worries, like this one?
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/ReflectionCorner_2175/Day23LettingGoFindingPeaceThroughtheLeavesonaStreamTechnique_343064/
@Clio9876 I don't feel worried about it. I think that is what it would take for me to try and get another job.
