I am selfish
I feel as though I am selfish for wanting more. I always see video of women saying 'raise your expectations... get treated like a queen'. But that's not realistic. I try to shower my partner in love everyday but it's exhausting. He loves me, that I know. But it feels like he wants all of the love for himself if that makes sense.
I want physical affection. Soft, gentle. Care out behind it. Not putting your hand on my arm and rubbing the same tiny spot for 2 minutes and that's it. I want my hair played with and brushed. I want warm tight caring hugs. I don't want to lay next to you and watch you type on your phone for hours every single day.
It's every single relationship I've ever been in. I feel like I'll never be loved enough. And I don't want to accept that. I am too demanding and too selfish. I don't understand.
@FloatingBucket
No you are not selfish....it is not too much to want or expect to much to want physical touch and attention without having to ask for it ...
it is not too much to want to be as important as a game on a phone or computer. there is never enough to do for a person who simply has no intention to reciprocate the efforts. There comes a time when you need to stop settling and stop giving your all for little or nothing in return. it may not be all the time but you should expect at least half of what you put into a relationship back.
what do you do in these relationships when you are not getting the attention and affection you want.... have you talked to them and set expectations? i found you will not get what you want if you do not speak up and ask for it.
Thank you for your well thought out and kind words, friend.
I have voiced what I want very clearly. I've dropped hints, I've flat out said "I wish for you to spend less time online and more time enjoying the here and now with me. I prefer physical attention when it comes to having my need for affection fullfilled." I
It's not like I demand attention 24/7. I'm human, I want my alone time too. I spend time scrolling too.
But I'm getting to a point where I dread even asking. For one, I feel as though I shouldn't have to ask for love. It should be willingly given in any healthy relationship. But also, I dread making him feel bad. He always feels guilty because he knows this is a sore topic with me. I know he wants to do his best, but it's like he'll only better himself for a few days after we talk. Then, it's back to square 1 it seems. Maybe I should try another approach? It's tiring.
Thank you for listening. ♡
@FloatingBucket
I agree you may need another approach.... my partner does similar things and ignores me when on phone or computer............ so i found out if i sit with headphones in and ignore him.......
he cannot stop trying to get my attention when i am or look like i am otherwise occupied.
for touch i went and had a massage and he suddenly was like i could do that for you and i am "no your video game it obviously very time consuming"...lol it is a work in progress but he asks me to sit and cuddle and watch a movie instead of his non stop videos.
