I am trapped and I don't know what to do.
I replaced a word with "-yknow-" that might trigger the app, I (nor the person mentioned) am not in an immediate danger.
We met on a dating app (She is 40, I am 26) and we hit it off pretty quickly. A couple days after texting she starts developing feelings for me. We got close, I opened up to her about things I normally never do with other people. She did the same with me too. She told me about her relationships too. She has a lot of bad relationships and horrible experiences. I still liked her tho so I decided to give it a chance.
The problems didn't start until 2 months into us being together. She started getting obsessive and possessive which usually I don't mind, except she was just jumping months in the relationship. She wanted to get married, she wanted me to move countries for her (or her move with me). She started attacking my beliefs. We started fighting about everything. To the point where If I liked a song she didn't like, that would turn into a fight. It got very taxing. She also has a lot of PTSD, and very depressed. Which I know is something real, and I tried to get her to see a professional and she almost agreed once but it never happened.
I am not happy in this relationship. I actually like her and I tried giving it a chance. But this relationship takes so much out of me mentally, and affects my life in so many aspects. It's very toxic. The problem is, I am held hostage. She made it very clear that I am her "only purpose". She only sleeps 3 hours a day to be with me, she doesn't have a job or friends. She dedicates all her life to me and expects the same which affects my life as well. She told me If I leave she -yknow- herself. And I already tried leaving twice. The first time, she posted right away on Reddit looking for methods and the second time she told me bluntly that she will go through it.
We have only been dating 4 months (online only and it's long distance relationship), and she already treats it like we have been married for years. In the second time I broke up with her, it was after a fight. She told me that she has a gut feeling that we are not meant for each other (turns out later that she was just saying that as a test for me to see what will i say) and when I told her the fights is taking a toll on me she starting first blaming me for letting her go and leaving her. She told me I drove her to -yknow-. That "Even you left me". Then she started blaming herself, that she was too much she drove the person she loves away. Then she had a panic attack, fell asleep (somehow) and woke up pretty adamant to -yknow- herself. I convinced her I wasn't actually breaking up and we are still together now it was the only thing that worked. I begged her for hours not to do it and she was very nonchalant about it like "you left, so i -yknow-"
The problem is I am not from the US, she is. I can't reach out to her. I can't call services. I am scared if I leave she does it, but I feel like I am trapped, my whole life is on pause because of her.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. This is a horrible situation. I don't have experience with exactly what you are facing, but I was hundreds of miles away at college when a friend of mine was experiencing severe distress, and we were afraid she would -yknow-. I remember how helpless that felt. There is a hotline in the US for people struggling with that. It is 988. She has resources. My therapist says that it takes 90 days to know a person. In under 90 days, a switch in this relationship had flipped. I don't know what flipped it. You said she has PTSD. That is tough. I don't want to minimize what either of you has gone through. The hardest part of this is that you are not responsible for her, her actions, or her consequences. That sounds harsh, but it is true. You could do everything she wants, and, whenever there is a dispute, she would probably threaten to -yknow-. She may be contemplating it seriously, or she may just be using this to control you. I don't know, and you don't know. Life needs boundaries. If you don't want to cut things off completely, I can understand why you wouldn't be comfortable with that. But start setting some boundaries. Tell her you need space, then block/turn off whatever she uses to communicate with you, then don't check it. Don't look at reddit. She is in another country. If she is telling you this and you aren't seeing it, none of it may be true. See how she reacts. If she continues her unreasonable behavior, there is no win in this situation. Give her the 988 number. Wish her well. Her controlling behavior isn't love. You can only control your actions and reactions, not hers.
