I am trying to help my depressed friend and it makes me overwhelmed
Hello, hope you are doing well, thank you for reading this :-)
I met a friend at university around 4 months ago. Since he has no other friends and i have no other friends, we became close friends very quickly.
But here is the thing.. my friend is most likely dealing with depression (he didn't explicitly say it but the symptoms are there). He has a toxic family (i don't think he has great links with them) which means i am most likely the only "good" person he has around him
This eventually makes me feel very bad, which made me start to propose him to hang out (especially after he would start to vent about how uncomfy he feels at home and how bored he
is). I would be just asking for low-pressure activities, since i am aware of all the social anxiety he has got. But he would keep refusing.
But here is a trap: he refuses to go out with me but at the same time he has already stated that he wished he could spend the whole summer with me, which made me keep asking for hanging out hoping he would say yes one day, but he didn't. I think about stopping now as I might irritate him. (To give you a clue, summer holidays started 1½ months ago and end in 2 months)
This situation made me quite overwhelmed.. he lives a nightmare at home in an environment where he isn't liked, he showed signs that he wanted to get out of it, then i come getting him all the possible solutions just so that we could spend time together and get him some good days.. but no.
I made some research this morning and noticed he might have got agoraphobia which would explain all this weird attitude he gets.
I just feel so bad for him.. when he is in a good mood he is such a great person. I absolutely love spending my time with him. Like he is a nice person to have around. His depression distorts him basically.
I could be an immense help for him. I have a lot of skills in mental health and i have been told several times that i am a good person when it comes to emotional support. But i can't help him if he doesnt take the first initiative, you know? And that's what drains me.
As a hypersensitive person it is impossible for me to take a step back and i think about him the whole day. I pray for him the whole day. As soon as he sends a msg i make sure to be present for him. I am just trying to get him better even though it is a slight bit. But nothing is better than meeting irl. He just needs to say yes and i could make him get nice days.
I have no idea if i wrote this good cuz I am tired and overwhelmed right now, i just want to find a solution to this, uni starts in 2 months and i want to see him before cuz i honestly miss him, as i said earlier I love having him around me. I also want to meet him cuz I miss him. But yeah..
I also need to mention that talking about mental health with him is super hard so all the things ive said about his mental health are just conclusions i made by myself. If he was more open to it it wouldve been grateful.
I would love to be a great help for me but his depression builds walls that stops me.
I am also scared to lose this friendship since he is my only friend. I might go through a depressive episode if i find myself lonely again.
Thank you for reading! I hope there is a way to get to meet him in real life 'cause that is something that would matter a lot to our friendship.
Have a nice day :)
@LeGrandFeu
You are a very kind person and friend 💛
Sometimes, when someone is struggling so much and has no other outlet and is living in a toxic environment, it's hard but it's harder to reach out and harder to accept things can be different
You are afraid to hope because you don't want to get them up because you are used to being disappointed.
Keep being the friend you are.
But don't push 💛
And don't forget to take care of your own needs too, you matter as well 🩷
tysm <3 i rly hope things will change very quickly cuz he could become such a great guy if his mental health improves
@LeGrandFeu
I hope so too 💛
@LeGrandFeu
I understand how you feel so much, ive gone through the same kind of thing with my boyfriend. I know how hard it is not to be able to help someone that you deeply care about, and i understand how helpless you feel, especially since he doesnt want to open up, so you cat do much about it. sometimes some people have a really hard time opening up, especially if they have had bad experiences with what happens when they open up, so they might be more reluctant or may not feel like they have the ability to do so, sometimes their brain just kind of forces them to keep everything inside. In this situation, there isnt that much that you can do, i suggest just keep trying to gently coax him to opening up bit by bit, maybe not everything at once, maybe just one small thing here and there, especially since you mentionned that you have only been friends for 4 months, he may atill need a bit more time to fully trust you to open up. dont blame yourself for not being able to help him as much as youd like, its very important to also take care of your own mental health. the best thing you can do is be present for him, as you mentionned that you do try to be, which is a good thing. I hope he gets better and more open, and i also hope that your own mental health gets better too. its really important to also take care of yourself. at some point in life, i was only taking care of others, and my own mental health went down a lot, but since my mental health was so bad, i had trouble helping and taking care of my friends. the mindset that helped me get better was: if my own mental health is bad, i cant help my friends and loved ones as much as i could if my own mental health was better, so i started taking care of myself more and putting myself first, your own self should come first, not others aruond you. yes its important to care for the ones you love, but never forget to also take care of yourself <3
tysm for this beautiful message <3 ill make sure to follow what u have said. I rly hope my friend is gonna get better cuz he is such a great person
Tysmm!!
@LeGrandFeu
ofccc its my pleasure <3 i hope he gets well soon, too