Idk how to convey my emotions
So Im not the most financially well off person and thank God I found someone who isn't in it for the money. I currently go to college and work while my fiancée does the same. Due to me being paid a bit more (4 dollar difference) and I've been working longer, I usually pay for everything. Now to the main part, Im not the most emotionally avaliable person, I used to be but after a toxic/abusive household situation as a kid, I learned to shut off my emotions quite often and I know it's not healthy, I've also picked up on a couple bad habits from the aggressor in the past toxic household due to it happening during the most influential time of my life. I get mad/upset/irritated at recurring situations and I bottle it up so I dont go off on everyone; I know the feeling of being yelled at for little things and wouldn't wish to put anyone in the situation. So my fiancée, who I love so much, also comes from an abusive household which makes this more sensitive. She asks for alot of stuff and when I can I always give it to her, I'd spoil her rotten if I could (So I guess that part is my fault). I always try my best to give her all I got physically and financially. Whenever she's not feeling okay mentally, I try my best to help her and for the most part it really does help and work. But sometimes when the situation causes us both to have a disagreement or only affect me, I tend to shut down and she really want to hear my mind and heart. Truth is, im so tired. Mind you, we're 19. I dont like playing victim but I'm 19, college, work and engaged; I'm constantly stressed about something 24/7. She knows my past and I know hers but since we've been together i haven't dived TOO deep into mine and when there's an issue, I dont even bother opening up bc im so used to shutting down now and if I do "open up" I say the same thing everytime bc I dont know how to say everything. I feel like this post is repetitive but if anyone could help me with simply Opening up and speaking my mind to her fully, id be forever grateful
@KoalaBear227
Some people in my life have also used the idea they do not know or did not learn how to communicate difficult or touchy emotions. I am all for someone learning to communicate better.
Do you have ideas of why you hold back? why you may not say what you want to? Being honest warts and all in my experience in long run helps. you do not need to wait for the "right" words or phrasing just share .... do not try to frame it share when your partner responds and you share together the words and sharing did not need to be a script.
My partner also held back never opened up said he never learned how to share... and it ruined my faith / trust and frankly feelings because only when i was heading our the door did he "find" the ability to share........ he found ways to tell me things that would have made a difference years ago .... now too little, too late. i would have liked him opening up and telling me things instead of holding back/ shoving his feelings down.
