I don’t know if I should stay or leave

I’ll try and keep this as short as I can.

I’ve been struggling in my relationship for almost 2 years now. I found out about him being unfaithful in multiple ways, although I can’t confirm or deny that it was ever physical. Then the next day I went into labor with our daughter. These things have never been resolved and they hang over my head every day of my life. He acts as if nothing ever happened. I don’t know if the infidelity has been continuing because I stopped looking, I chose ignorance because I couldn’t keep looking for information that I knew would hurt me. I had a newborn and more pressing issues to deal with.

It’s almost our daughter’s 2nd birthday now, and everything feels so heavy. Someone asked me about when we would get married and that’s when it really hit me. I don’t feel ready to marry this person, and I don’t know if I ever will be. I still love him but it doesn’t feel the same as before. Ever since that day.

He’s a great dad, he provides for us everything we could ever want or need. I became a SAHM a few months after my daughter was born. I was in the military and he still is. He’s deployed currently and the alone time has really given me more time with these feelings and I don’t know what to do with them. I have no one to talk to. My family doesn’t know any of what happened and I am scared to tell them.

I feel like I’m living in the gray, stable but hurting. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to take my daughter from her father but I don’t know if I can live another 2 years the way I have been.