I don't know what to do, my marriage keeps going into a Rollercoaster
Ive been dealing with some things mentally and physically, doctors have been trying to help me but either things get worse or nothing happens at all.... here lately my husband has been acting like he's been seeing someone else today he tried really hard to start a fight even though i blocked every time he tried. After getting home from work he literally blamed me for starting somthing because i needed him to put on his work reflector so i could see how the velcro was supposed supposed to be sewed into the over coat he started yelling he didn't need to i started to explain why i needed him to and he started to talk over me yelling and once again i said im not going to argue with u to take his angry some where else that i didn't do anything he said ill leave and never come back then he started yelling i dont need you i can do everything on my own and left i ask where he was going he told me to leave him alone and mumbled somthing under his breath, im scared because i really do love him but dont want to be cheated on agian but at the same time he knows my anxiety is so bad he's the only person in my friend group.. he knows my anxiety is so bad i avoid public places because of panic attacks he knows my anxiety is so bad doctors haven't found anything to help calm it and its created physical health problems for me.. he knows for him he can move on with out a second though even tho we have a child and i physically and mentally cant work.. im scared to be alone im scared to meet new ppl 😔 i feel hes cheating because hes never acted like this before and i feel so alone people tell me to move on and find someone new and its not that easy for me when meeting my husband was fate that worked out, truth now one wants a middle age mother who has anxiety so bad she runs in when a car drives by the house that doctors label disabled because my anxiety has physically crippled me so i cant work.. my head is spending right now so much going through it. The only thing keeping me from hurting my self is knowing my child and pets need me .... it is so hard i dont know what to do
@YuukiSaishi19
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Just reading your words, I can feel how heavy everything is for you right now. You’re carrying so much mentally, emotionally, physically and it’s not fair that you’re doing it while feeling so alone.
First, I want to say this: you are not broken. You are not unlovable. You are not a burden. What you’re experiencing is real, and your pain matters. Anxiety can be so cruel it wraps around you like chains, and when the people who are supposed to help ease that pain instead make it worse, it’s heartbreaking. Especially when it’s someone you love deeply and trust with your most vulnerable parts.
It makes complete sense that you’re scared. Scared to be alone, scared of being hurt again, scared of starting over in a world that already feels too loud and overwhelming. You're not weak for feeling this way. You’re incredibly strong for still being here, for still showing up for your child and your pets, even while your world feels like it’s falling apart. That is strength. Quiet, unseen strength. But real.
And you’re right it’s not easy to “just move on” when you’ve built your world around someone, when the love was real, when the connection was your anchor. No one can walk in your shoes and tell you what’s simple. You're not just scared of losing a partner you’re scared of losing your stability, your sense of safety. That fear is valid.
But please hear this: you are not alone, even when it feels like you are. There are people who care. There are support groups, communities, and professionals who will see you for who you are and not define you by what you struggle with. You’re more than your anxiety. You are a mother. You are a survivor. You are a heart full of love and fight even if right now that fight is flickering low.
If he’s cheating, if he’s pushing you away and weaponizing your struggles against you, that is *not love*. Real love shows up. Real love doesn’t leave you afraid or doubting your worth. It listens. It holds you through the hard days. You deserve that. Even if it feels far away right now.
Please, if your thoughts get too heavy, reach out whether it's a crisis line, a friend, or a therapist. You deserve support. You don’t have to figure this all out today. Just get through today. Breathe through the next moment. That’s enough.
You matter. So deeply. And I’m so proud of you for still being here. Keep going not because you have to be strong, but because even in your weakest moments, you are still worthy of love and peace. And one day, you’ll find both again. I truly believe that.
@YuukiSaishi19
That level of anxiety must be exhausting. have you considered couples counseling if you cannot seem to communicate successfully with him. This situation of your condition is hard on all involved. I am sure he wants you to feel better to find the help to overcome this blockage in doing things.
Even when we know our partner cannot do things...like go places and do things, even work. We still may get frustrated with the limits put on OUR life ....imposed by a disability our partner has. Sometimes as partners .... we feel we CAN do ALL things without our spouse and all of the limits and restrictions an issue has caused. Sometimes we just DO those things our partner cannot or won't do. I know if you could control your anxiety or change it you probably would but sometimes as a spouse/ partner we grow frustrated at all we give up even though we understand it is not that you want to be this way.
It does not mean a person is cheating maybe they just have other friends or outlets to vent to and deal with their issues too. It means maybe they would like to go to public places that you can not due to anxiety.
Maybe they wish you could work or have outside friends ...as it is HARD to be the only friend / support etc in your circle. If you feel he is starting arguments etc ... do not block the conversation, deal with it... Maybe it is have those deep talks about how you BOTH feel. It does not have to end of marriage if you can communicate. It would be hard to move on. Even if you found someone else how long until issues pop up for the same reasons?
