I don't know why I do what I do, but I know what I do makes me feel like this...

I'm new on here and appreciate all suggestions and feedback. Currently, im 43 single in south Florida. In the last 3 plus years I've been in 4 relationships all of then we moved in together within a months tops, all of them we spoke about marriage within 2 months, and the longest one lasted about 6 to 7 months. The first one ended because I found someone younger and more attractive, and just left her high and dry. We moved in within 1 month of knowing one another and discussed marriage in month two. It lasted 4 months or so...You would of thought I was the nicest, most enlightened person you ever met. The second relationship there was two incidents of DV and I lied often but she never found out about the lies. What ended that relationship waa me getting caught cheating. I'm not gonna say the DV incidents where just a push, either way wrong amd scared her. We moved in within one month, and spoke about marriage around week 6 or 7. That lasted about 6 months. The 3rd was awful. She was 22 I waa 41 or 42 and is waa.juat drugs, sex,.and rock & roll. She suffered from MH issues much worse then I. I ended up relapsing (had 3 years of sobriety) in which resulted me in jail. She moved in within weeks, talk about marriage in a month lasted (if you even want ro call that a relationship) maybe 4 months. So I get out of jail, a new start again, get back problems...got my good job back, got a car back, gor some money back, etc...I meet a woman 3 months out, went on our 1st date, never went back to the halfway house, moved in with her. Talked about marriage within 2 months ended within 4 months...reasons where nonstop everyday arguing. It was getting really bad and we both ended. Not even 3 months later I actually meet "the one" I really fell hard for her, had qualities that where rare amd fell hard for her. Moved in within 6 weeks, talked about marriage soon after maybe month 2 ended in week 10...we both agreed the ONLY thing that would end us was cheating, well she found an old phone ans found out about 75% of what I told her about who I am, my morals, my values, etc all lies. What I did for a living...lies...how much money I had...lies...and the list went on she uped and left...but before she left she asked why, why did you lie? I told her I never lies about anything emotional which I stand by, but i lies about the material because I thought thats who she wanted and not me...and darn it I really loved that woman and I'm really struggling...

Please any suggestion, guidance, etc is appreciated.