I just need help.
(26 male) me and my girlfriend have been together since December. She's the love of my life and means everything to me. The beginning of our relationship was fine. Then I started to get mean. Violent. I didn't show her respect sometimes. And I hurt her. When that wasn't my intentions. I've owned up to it but that's still no excuse. I hate myself for it and I want to make it up to her. I really do. I want to show her that I can change even though I've said so in the past. I don't like who I've become and I want to change for her and my son and show her the love and compassion that she deserves.
I'm just not sure why I have off days and get rude like I do. I'll be fine for a few days but then the smallest thing sets me off and I become this person I hate. I know how to love and care. She's told me that before. I just have days where I'm completely different and I hate that.
Anyways. Sorry for rambling. Just want to get help so I can show her that I'm serious this time. I love her and don't want to fully push her away more then I have..
@determinedseaotter26,
to me, that used to happen too.
First, when I was either not happy in a job or was having a hard time to find one. I guess basically because I felt like being dependent hence/because of relying on external factors I couldn't control.
Second, and the first one relates to this, I've never been good at setting boundaries. So, something would happen that I didn't feel comfortable with, and I'd keep my mouth shut (also because otherwise I'd get verbally angry). Then, months later, something would remind me of when I kept my mouth shut and I'd get angry for apparently no reason.
I've worked on this. First, by keeping a log file, helping me to realize why I'd got upset. Second, thus realizing that I need boundaries. And lastly, by noticing any changes in me telling me I was about to get triggered (and act in anger).
The last step was the hardest and one might need professional help on that.
If you do notice you're getting upset, walk away. Do breathing exercises. Say you need some space.
@determinedseaotter26
Relationships newer or older... are not immune to life... a bad day or stresses of work or school ....or be some small things a partners does that annoys us. I am sure we do the same to them.
I know that when my partner either does not listen to my day or accept i have off times i can get pretty snarky and mean. Maybe we do not say anything at first but one more time they do something we snap. Once we KNOW what sets us off we can deal with it.
I found speaking up and calling things out and not letting things build up helps. My partner and I have been together for years yet it is amazing if they do not do something to tick me off almost daily.