I just want to be loved
Hey everyone, I (24M) gave been wanting a relationship for a recently. Usually I don't turn to apps for my troubles but my family and friends haven't been the best support lately.
To start I've had a rough breakup in high-school. I've never had a relationship since because I was put off. I focused on my studies and career. Nowadays when I go out, I'm obviously swamped with many couples around, especially in the same peer group. I started to feel lonely, wondering what it would be like and have a hint of jealousy.
I'm an introvert, I don't like clubs and going home at 3am. My family and friends advice does anything but help me. I have a hard time talking to girls. I just can't find the courage. I'mnot the type of guy that can go approach any chick he sees. My opinion is tat if you're not slim, handsome or rich you can't get a girlfriend. There's also so much cheating and false accusations being thrown around that I'm actually scared and sometimes ok with being single.
I've tried dating apps and constantly get ghosted or unmatched. This has taken a toll on my self-esteem and self image which has me feeling down. I'm slowly working out to lose weight and I try to keep myself busy. However no matter what I do I keep falling into a slump thinking that I'm not good enough, that I'm too ugly or that there's no one out there for me.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that eventually I'll become so numb that I wouldn't be interested in finding a lover.
I just want to be loved but I'm feeling unworthy, I feel ugly and undeserving. Maybe I'm just cursed.
@SadSailboat43
🥺
You are most certainly not ugly or undeserving at all.
It's ok to be an introvert, we are all different. I'm quiet until I get to know people, then they can't shut me up 🤣 Also I don't think there's always a time to talk, i talk when it matters. Sadly things are gone shallow, selfish and individualistic right now, and I personally would never be a fan of the apps, what does it tell you about the person, basically only what they look like or jumping straight to sharing the creepiest sexual urges, anything goes kind of thing. I see you don't like clubbing and that's fine, but you can meet girls at a shared hobby , or volunteering etc, letting them get to know you. Real intimacy for me is based on trust, respect and shared interests where everything else flows, yes some women want money or status, but the majority want honesty, loyalty and boundaries, you deserve to be happy 💕💜
@SadSailboat43
The very first step in finding a great relationship and being loved by someone?
Loving yourself.
If you do not love yourself, then... It's very difficult for people to find interest in you, see the good in you, or even provide those opportunities you seek.
Your self-esteem matters, as if your self-image as long as it's reasonable and healthy.
What decent women are attracted to is who you are, what you have going for you in life, what drives or motivates you, and having a mission/purpose. They want someone who can be their rock, and this point and time, you do not sound strong - emotionally or mentally - in fact, seems that you have quite a bit of negative self-talk going on.
The most important conversations you'll ever have in your life - are those that you have with yourself and your own mind. Make no mistake, negative thoughts and thinking can maim your self-esteem and cause you to have a very negative outlook on life, others, and use other situations which you know nothing about to judge yourself harshly. In short, you see those couples and they may seem happy but you don't know what is going on within their relationships. It's easy to make up stuff, and form opinions and CONVINCE yourself that people are happier than they actually are and that no one else struggles - which is a curse of social media.
If you want happiness, one must be happy with themselves first - because no one will bring you happiness, it must be from within. People are naturally drawn to others that are happy, have their life together, think positively, and work hard to ensure their mission and purpose.
So where to start?
Self-Esteem.
Physically Working Out, even if you just start walking 10K steps a day as a challenge.
Identifying and Stopping the Negative Self-Talk
...and btw, I'm not suggesting you walk around pretending to be happy and pleasant all the time. There is something to be said about being the real you, genuine... because fake isn't the answer either.
If you cannot do any of the above, either find a life coach OR a therapist to help you.
Oh, and observe the people you choose to associate with in your life, because a strong support system around you is important.