I keep pushing everyone away
tw: sa, anxiety
Every time I’m in a relationship I hit a point where I start pushing that person away. It’s like I get scared and get cold feet committing. My boyfriend has been hurt and left a lot in his life and I feel like I keep hurting him because I get his hopes up and then start the cycle of uncertainty and anxiety. I feel so confused, I felt like commitment was easy when I had my first relationship but after I was assaulted I always feel like I hit fight or flight mode at some point. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’m tired of hurting people and I’m tired of hurting myself.
@bonniebug111 It seems like you have experienced some challenging situations in past relationships which have left you feeling anxious about commitment. That must be confusing for you. How did the assault affect your trust in relationships?
I feel like I’m waiting to be hurt and I think I want to ruin everything and beat someone to the chase. I ended a 2 year relationship after that incident (2 years ago) and I feel like I still love him. Well, we’re still in contact as friends but I don’t know if I love him or if I love the idea of feeling safe and innocent again. I want to end my current relationship sometimes because I feel like I’m better off alone. Everything is so confusing. I wish I could turn back time.
