I’m going through a confusing breakup
My girlfriend of one year broke up with me a month ago because she says she has something in here that’s not allowing her to really “love”. She is a very nice partner especially in the beginning. She’s supportive, loving, and caring but then she started to change on me a bit and as an anxious attachment style I would get so worried and talk to her about it. It was once, then twice when she cried…she said it’s something deep inside her she can’t get rid of. However, we ended up just fine until the last and third time I brought it up again when she suddenly changed overnight on me..she began to tell me she cringed over “pet names” and that if we were to be together she’d only be able to tell me she loves once a year. I am sooo confused because the day before this argument she was calling me her “wife” and “her everything”
so after the break up I wanted to talk to her to clarify some things and she told me she still has feelings and she will always love me and care for me. She claims she is “not romantic” but when I bring up something romantic she did she will say “yes I did that in a romantic way and I wasn’t faking” talking to her that day I could tell she had a lot in her mind because of the way she responded to most questions. Since it was summer we had to say our byes and I said “I love you and I’ll miss you” to her she went “I love you too! And it’s ok we can meet up in summer break”
i Don’t know what to do…her words are contradicting her actions because she started posting in social media about how “happy” she is and she never posts in social media..I’m in no contact with her right now and I might just send her a birthday wish but I seriously don’t know what’s the next move. I’m just left so hurt and confused..I would throw up my food and I wake up a lot at night..
ps: she is my first everything..and we shared a really really deep connection, so it’s really hard to “let go” and “move on”
@Jellyv I’ve learned to not expect an explanation that makes sense in a breakup. Maybe the reasons are not exactly clear to the person who is breaking up with us. I’m guessing they have expectations of what a relationship should be, what it should provide to them and what their responsibilities in the relationship are, but that something in that feels uncomfortable to them. I believe that trying to piece the “logic” together from the fragments of “information” we’re given at the time of breakup is a bit of a fools errand. You have the ability to love deeply and now might be an opportunity to practice deep self love and compassion. This is a very painful time for you, but what you learn by getting through this will undoubtedly help you become stronger whether this partner returns or when you find another partner.
Thank you for the reassurance!
@Jellyv,
I fully understand that you are confused. Like she says she loves you yet doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.
I've been there too. I'm in my fifties. Met my soulmate, my wife. Things happened and she wanted a divorce. She said she loves me, even that I'm the love of her life but we just can't be together.
I've learned to understand. Sometimes people deeply love each other, always will, but for whatever reason one of two has to break up. The love remains but the relationship changes. And only time and space will tell if and how that relationship evolves.