I might lose my partner
Ik some people have issues in thier relationship, but me and my gf get along really well and I believe that we are made for eachoter, even after 10-11 months.
You're probably wondering why Im posting this if our relationship is so "perfect". Well thats bc it isn't.
Even tho me and my gf love eachoter alot, there is a problem that might break us apart forever. And I wish I meant it metaphorically, as if we're about to break up but no, it's something much worse than that. This is not the first time I post about this but Im desperate. A few weeks ago a friend told me that my gf said she wants to kill herself. Ik the app doesn't help people with suicide, but please read the whole thing. I don't have the words to express how much it hurt me to think that I might have to live the rest of my life without her. She told me it's not my fault and that I would've genuelly made her happy if bad things didn't happen in her life. Knowing that I've done everything I could and it's still not enough, knowing that it could happen any day when I expect it less, everytime I talk to her and she makes me smile or laugh I remember that Im going to lose her soon, it all hurts so much in a way I cant explain. Everyday Im lying to myself that it's going to be okay, I try to be happy and tell myself that it's not something I can control, but it's not enough. I destroyed myself trying to help her and now things are even worse. Even tho sometimes I can pretend things are okay, I still remember and it hurts. A part of me believes in her, that she can get better because she said she's trying for me even if she doesn't think she can, while the other part of me already gave up, Im sure Im going to lose her and I've never been more afraid.
I feel like there's no one to help and support me either because my parents told me they're there for me but then they started judging my gf and saying she faking only to get my attention, even tho most of the time she tried to hide from me so I don't worry, or chose my feelings over hers. Mum also said I was being dramatic and acting as if this is the worst thing of my life when I started crying bc she wanted me to talk abt it. They just put more pressure on me and when I managed to feel better WITHOUT THIER HELP, they didn't even check on me. For a whole week they were talking to me abt it everyday but when I seemed better they couldn't care less, they didn't even made sure things got better or not.
I just feel so helpless and alone in this situation and Ik I'll be even more lonely if she leaves me. She the only person that ever cared about me and if I lose her I'll lose myself. Again, Ik this app doesn't help people with suicide and Im sorry for sharing this here, but if anyone can help me in any way, with any kind of advice, support, anything, Im thankful. Ik she should be going to therapy but we're both minors, I forgot to mention and she doesn't want to tell her mum about it, might be bc her mum is one of the reasons she's like this, she made her have a difficult childhood and things in thier family aren't great rn either.
Thank you for reading everything and any kind of help that you can offer, whether it's support, whether it's advice, to me it matters alot.
@BrunoTheDog
It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time right now, and I want to acknowledge how difficult it must be to carry this burden. It's clear that you deeply care for your girlfriend and want the best for her, but you're also grappling with your own emotions and the strain this situation is putting on you.
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and alone, especially when your own family's reactions haven't been supportive. It must be incredibly hurtful to feel judged and dismissed when you're going through such a challenging situation.
Have you had a chance to talk to your girlfriend about seeking help together? While you're both minors and navigating these challenges, it might be beneficial to explore options like talking to a counselor or another trusted adult who can provide guidance and support. It's important that both of you have someone you can rely on during this time.
You mentioned feeling like you're pretending things are okay when they're not. It's okay to have those moments of trying to cope, but it's also important to prioritize your own well-being. Is there something specific you think could help you feel more supported right now?
Thank you so much for replying to my thread, it means alot to me.
And you're right, it's really hurtful to be in this situation and instead of getting help and support from my family, they judged me and my gf, accused her of faking her problems to manipulate me into giving her attention and when I managed to pretend Im okay they didn't check on me once to ask if things got better or not.
Everyday Im stressing out bc of this and I don't have many friends either, the only friend I got is my childhood friend but we didn't normalise opening up and comforting eachoter in our friendship. So I feel completely alone in this and I've never been in a situation this difficult, as I mentioned Im a minor so this is currently the most challenging thing I've ever went through.
And yes, I tried talking to her about seeking help from a proffesional, but her family is one of the main reasons she's having these problems and that's why she doesn't want to go to a therapist bc she's worried abt her mum finding out things and bc of the price of therapy. She's not happy with her school counselor bc she feels like she doesn't care, but mostly bc she can't tell her alot since she's afraid they'll call CPS on her mum. She recently told me that her mum will take her to an actual therapist, but again, she won't open up too much bc she's afraid of her mum finding out things. She never told me why she's hiding from her mum, but it's honestly undertsandable that she doesn't trust her. I also thought of going to a therapist and trying to get help for both of us, but recently I've been also thinking about telling her about this app, hoping that it might help her a bit.
Im trying to pretend things are okay by lying to myself, but it's because I don't know how else to cope with this situation. Every minute of the day Im trying to keep my mind busy but the second Im not doing something, I think of her and I start crying. And I know I can't do this forever, hide from my problems, but I genuelly don't know what to do. And honestly, you replying to me already makes me feel more supported and I appreciate it alot.
But all I want is her to be happy. If she's happy, so am I. I need to find a way to help her so I might start by talking to her about it again since we both ignored it for almost two weeks and like I said before I might tell her about this app, hoping she'll get some of the help she needs. Again, thank you so much for replying, it means alot to me.
@BrunoTheDog
I'm glad you reached out here. It must be incredibly difficult feeling like you're carrying all of this alone, especially when your family's reactions have added to your stress.
You're showing a lot of care and concern for your girlfriend, despite facing your own challenges. It's clear you want what's best for her, but it's also important to take care of yourself during this overwhelming situation. You mentioned thinking about suggesting this app to her as a way to get some support – that could be a positive step.
Have you had a chance to talk with her recently about how you're feeling and what you both might do to support each other better? It might be helpful to find a moment to discuss this openly with her, especially since it sounds like you've both been avoiding the topic for a while.
It's okay to not have all the answers right now. Taking things one step at a time and seeking support, whether here or from other resources, can make a difference.
If there something specific you'd like to discuss further about this situation, we are here for you.
I haven't talked to her yet, but Im planning on doing it as soon as I find the right moment, most probably by the end of the week. I'll also mention this app to her, hopefully she'll agree to try it and maybe she'll get some of the help and support she needs.
The situation is not easy, I feel like giving up sometimes. But even just posting threads on this app and getting support gives me a bit of hope. Im trying not to worry about the future since I don't know what's it going to be like. Maybe things will turn out good, maybe they won't. But for now I know what I want. I want to help her, to make her happy. And I love her that much that no matter how hopeless I feel, no matter how difficult it gets, even if the whole universe is against us, I'll keep fighting for her.
It seems that the person above has already been really helpful, but I just wanted to say, that you guys will get through this. Even though right now it might seem like you're alone, I promise that the 7 cups community will always be here to help and support you through this. So please, don't ever feel the need to hesitate when reaching out. I wish you all the best on your journey!
Thank you, I really hope we'll get through this even though most of the time I feel hopeless, Im trying to stay positive. It's not easy, but Im doing it for her. I'd do ANYTHING for this girl and I can't imagine my life without her. If I lose her I'll never forgive myself.
Ik this is off topic, but my "therapy" right now is Marina. I love her songs, especially Teen idle. The song it's mostly about wasting your youth being sad which is relatable 'cause Im currently wasting my youth being anxious about losing my gf, but then I remember that I was wasting my time and I had a boring life before being in this situation, so at least now Im wasting my youth learning tough life lessons, which is better than nothing.
Hey @AmyPondd
I still didn't get to talk to her about it, but instead she told me something else. She just finished school and she told me that she was pressured by someone from her school into trying a vape. I told her before how dangerous it is to have addictions like smoking or even worse, drugs. But yet I don't want to blame her, ik she doesn't react good under pressure. She said she doesn't really feel the urge to try again which is good, bc as long as she's not being pressured by someone again she most probably won't try them.
She's already dealing with alot and she doesn't need more problems, especially cause she drinks sometimes. I didn't think much of it tho bc I get drunk sometimes aswell, but Im still telling her not to do it bc Ik she can drink way more than me. But as long as she stays away from smoking and drugs, *** that's good.
I just wanted to share this to keep you updated with what's going on, but also to maybe get some advice on how I can help her to stay away from any kind of addiction.
I forgot to mention that Im proud of her for being honest with me. She trusts me enough and Ik this is progress because she's more honest with me than she used to.
And she said she doesn't want to try these things, she gets the urge sometimes but said she won't, which is something good since there are alot of teenagers that do it because it's "cool" and Im glad she doesn't think that way.
@BrunoTheDog
It's great that she feels comfortable enough to be honest with you about what she's going through – that's a significant step in the right direction. It shows that she trusts you and values your support.
You're right to be concerned about the potential for addiction, especially with the added pressures she faces. It's important to approach this with understanding and without judgment, which it sounds like you're already doing. Encouraging her to stay away from smoking, drugs, and excessive drinking is crucial, but it's also essential to support her in finding healthy ways to cope with stress and pressure.
One way you can help is by continuing to be a supportive and non-judgmental listener. You might also encourage her to engage in activities that she enjoys and finds relaxing. Suggesting hobbies or physical activities could be a good distraction from negative influences.
It might also be helpful to discuss strategies she can use to handle peer pressure in the future.
How do you feel about having a conversation with her about these strategies and supporting each other in finding positive ways to cope with stress? Are there any specific activities or hobbies she enjoys that you think might help her stay away from negative influences?
@AmyPondd
I've told her before that I'd rather her do anything other than drinking, smoking etc whenever she feels sad. I haven't thought about specific things that she could do, but for example she likes drawing and she's really good at it aswell. That could be an idea. She also likes listening to music or baking/cooking. From what Ik she's already doing these things to cope, but I think it doesn't work all the time and needs something more, like drinking and I understand how that feels. But yeah, when I get the chance I'll discuss it with her more.
Now there's something else I'd like to talk about and Im sorry for having to update you with so many things, but this happened last night (it's morning for me in case we got different time zones)
We had a pretty deep conversation and I can't talk about most of it because it's something private for both of us, but while we were talking she mentioned that she's getting happier. I don't know if my reaction was right but the second she said that I started crying and thought of the worst. A few weeks ago she wanted to die and now she's getting happier? I was sure she was lying to me so I don't worry anymore and that she's actually getting worse and just pretending. She wasn't acting much different before I found out a few weeks ago, so I panicked alot and kept asking and begginning her not to leave me. Then she apologised to me for wrapping me in her problems and that she's aware she wasn't supposed to date because of her problems. She said she won't leave me, but Im too afraid she's lying to me.
After this she said she's going to bake, a few minutes later she texted me and said her mum made her feel like *** again. I mentioned before that her family is one of the reasons she's struggling and sometimes her mum says bad things to her like she's a dissapointment. After that I asked her if she wants to talk about it or if hse feels better thinking or talking about something else, so we ended up talking about something funny until I went to sleep.
