I’m so heartbroken :(

I met Emily in August 2023. There was something different. We chatted until October 2023 We then called it off because she was in Spain and I was in Ireland. Within the two weeks prior to calling it off, I booked flights to Spain and booked a hotel. There is something different about this girl.

I’ve never ever gone on a date with anyone. It was so obscure that I bought Tickets and a hotel to Meet her in Spain. I flew over on New Year’s Eve and stayed for four days. It was incredible. I was in love. I am in love.

I was back in Ireland by the 4th of January. We chatted until the end of February and then I called it off. I lost my mother when I was five years old and my grandparents. I run from woman. I decided to run from her when I fell in love before she ran from me. This turned out to be the worst decision of my life we both agreed, mainly me forcing it, that the distance was killing it. However, it was my fear that she would leave me? Is why I entered it.

Over the next 4 to 5 months we had small talk every couple of weeks. I flew back to Spain with my friends on the first night I called her on the phone teary eyed. I asked her to come up to me as she was still in Spain. She said no as she had to go home to England the next day. June came along and I sent her a birthday present. We were still amicable I was working on myself. August came around and I was prepared. I was ready. I understood my brain. I made the decision – this girl Emily, was going to be my wife. I had a plan to ask her out, take her to Morocco and make her my girlfriend. However, it wasn’t meant to be as three weeks prior she had started talking to a new guy. When I found this out, I said to let me know when it ends. She blocked me. This was one year ago today. Every month since I’ve tried to reach out. But she has me blocked on everything now. I even tried to message her on Revolut. I’m so in love with this girl. And it’s not because she doesn’t want me, it’s because I know her so well and I know who she is as a person and I want that to be the mother of my children.

what am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here? I understand that. I should let her move on but what is love? If you do not fight for it? I’m trying to fight for it but I believe she thinks I’m a weirdo now. What do I do? I want her so bad. I don’t need her but I want her.