I’m struggling
Hey everyone,
I have been a lot better recently. Today I have started to struggle again. Things are going really well. However I’m trying to work through his lack of communication. By that, I mean he’s not very good with his words. He is with his actions absolutely but his words he struggles with. Does anyone else struggle with this in their relationships or dating?
Any advice?
thanks x
Hi @lovingBirch549, that is me in my relationship so I want to share being on the other side in case you find it helpful for a different perspective.
TRIGGER WARNING: neglect, emotional abuse, intergenerational trauma
It is very difficult for me to communicate my emotions and feelings into words. Most times I’m at a lost for words but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I was neglected as a child, so my emotionally needs was never met due inter-generational trauma. My caregivers didn’t have effective communication so they couldn’t teach that to me. I was isolated from social interactions outside of the family so my only social interactions was with them (and they have ineffective communication skills) and underserved school (they didn’t teach me to communicate). Because of the lack of effective communication, I unconsciously picked up nonverbal communications to make up for the gap so I tend to be more comfortable with this. This wasn’t easy to discover about myself so before the realization, I wasn’t aware of my lack of communication (and making assumptions from nonverbal communications) from my relationships. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and unworthy because of a defect that I felt is out of my control. Now, I worked through forgiving myself and am working with a therapist on my verbal communication skills. I can say that it is very uncomfortable, feels unnatural, and I still struggle with it. I’m taking baby steps.
I wish I can edit my post. I forgot to add… I feel like you might be a patient person, so my advice to you is to have compassion and even more patience with him. If he’s anything like me, it almost feels at times a disability or a speech impediment. It might be helpful to encourage him to take communication classes (focused on relationships) and even better if you can join him in them too. Or he can do what I’m doing and work with a therapist on it too. That’s how I’m able to even articulate this post. If I was writing this post a year ago, I would be struggling with my words…
Thank you for all your help❤️
Amazing news that you’re taking them steps tho, that’s not easy so credit to you. Thank you for the advice❤️
@lovingBirch549, i hope you feel better. Its not fun for both people in the relationship when there’s a communication issue. Just like how my heart goes out to my partner who has been very patient with me, my heart goes out to you too because it takes a special type of person to have the level of patience for someone who lacks emotional maturity and communication skills. Please let me know if you have any questions, I want to be able to speak up for the people who may be in a similar situation as me and help where I can.
It’s working out how to manage it. How to be patient and compassionate. Bc his actions show very much he cares bc it his words do not in any which way. Nor do I want to pressure him either bc I do like him as he is, it’s really difficult