I'm the only one who will stand up to my dad and I'm so tired
My dad has depression and refuses to get any kind of help. It shows specifically with a huge lack of anger control, zero empathy, disregard for what anyone in my family has to say and incredible impatience. He has spent the last eight years of my life yelling left and right at me and my siblings (the youngest of which is 5 and already has huge problems with being separated from my mom, or expressing what he wants by screaming), told me I was making it up when I went to my parents about my own mental health struggles and they ignored and made things worse enough that I don't feel like telling them anything about how I feel is a good idea. For example, constantly something that makes me happy will be used against me and something that I don't like will always be pushed on me. He almost thinks it's funny but it feels like emotional blackmail.
My entire family of seven people total all just tiptoes around him when he's in a bad mood or arguing, even when his points are unreasonable- I'm the only one who will talk back to him and counter his weird claims like "therapists think men should have emotions like women which just isn't right" after my constant pushing for him to go to therapy. (that was. something)
NO ONE else in my family will say anything. When they are witnessing me and him talk back and forth, they're amused that he's finally getting an actual response from someone other than doing what he wants
But I don't know what to do. However he feels is perfect logic to him, and logic I bring up he claims is emotion. I feel invalidated and ignored and stupid when I argue but I feel like maybe it's the only way to get him to stop being so narcissistic and GET HELP because all of my siblings have some kind of anxiety disorder now or trouble processing emotions because of him. I'm the oldest so I don't know what will happen when I move out if I don't try and change things now?
Please ask for any clarification if you need it. I need actual advice, posts on 7cups tend to disappear after one or two responses in my experience and it's scary but while I can, please give advice or encouragement or anything
@linvi
Oh please know that I'm not saying depression is what's making him so frustrating. Depression does not make someone a bad person. Some of those are symptoms yeah but with help and acceptance are generally manageable. He is narcissistic and not accepting any help which worsens all of everything.
@linvi,
can't you reach out to some sort of social family services, talk with them so they can come visit and address the situation?
What you describe is a breeding ground for trauma.
@dukeofdearham
He's okay most of the time, and due to my constant pushing is slowly calming down
I just don't know what to say to him anymore that'll actually have any actual impact
@linvi,
well, someone will make him aware of the damage he's doing. Hence my suggestion.
You talking to him won't help. An outsider, a professional outsider needs to access the situation.
@dukeofdearham
does it really seem that bad? through all of this I just feel like this is relatively normal and I'm reaching out just for attention
like it seems wrong so I reach out but also imposter syndrome is preventing me from doing anything more
@linvi,
yes, it really seems that damaging to me.
@linvi
Know you are not alone. We are here.
Your feelings are valid and we acknowledge you. You are stronger than you think.
In regards to “… 7cups tend to disappear after one or two responses …” You should have received a message from someone if they have removed it with an explanation.
I would see a therapist or doctor for medical advice to help you and help yourself. You know you better than anyone else. You are the expert of you.
If he chooses not to seek help, consult with medical facilities. That is the best course of action.
You are welcome, in safety, to vent as much as you wish and need without judgement
@Barltik2065
thank you
It's stressful
I'm having a hard time not blaming him because he is trying, and improving a lot but refusing to accept help, and no one else in my family will stand with me on it because they're still scared of his temper
he's never hurt us physically, it's just volume but that wears you down
I hit my breaking point with him months ago and now I'm a lot more prone to actually responding but I had to be absolutely done to get there
I don't want my mom or siblings to have to hit their breaks before they start realizing he needs some help and loving pushes in the right direction
@linvi,
he is emotionally doing a lot of hurt. And that needs to stop. I admire you standing up to him but to sort this out, and deal with all the damage done, requires professional help.
@linvi
It must be incredibly tough, especially when it feels like no one else is stepping in to help. You're being remarkably strong for your siblings, and I can tell how much you care. If possible, suggest family counseling to your dad, and be there for your siblings. When you talk to your dad, try to express your concerns without making it sound like an accusation. It's tough, but he might not fully understand the impact of his actions. Remember to set boundaries for your own well-being. Modeling the behavior you'd like to see can also be powerful
@patientSky1754
I'm scared he might just ignore it and that my efforts will be somewhat wasted
well not necessarily wasted, but he doesn't respond to opposition well