In a long term relationship but fell for another
I have a long term relationship for almost 8 years. I started dating from very young age. We decided to keep our dating private so we never met never went on dates to avoid rumours.And fixed that when we will move on to another city for our University that's when we would have a perfect relationship. So now we finally moved.
But nothing's changed...He got a job so he's always busy...We barely talk...We rarely go on dates...No gifts Nothing.
And now in University I have a friend...We spent lot time together...He treats me well...and maybe maybe he got feelings for me...But now...I kind of feel drawn to him...seems like I like him...I keep thinking about him.
It makes me feel I'm a bad person...Or maybe I'm cheating...
Why I'm getting these feelings when I'm committed to someone...
My heart feels heavy...I feel guilty.....
@Haru131830
You shouldn't feel guilty, his presence and friendship is showing you what you are missing from your relationship. After a long time people can take each other for granted. It's ok to want your bf to give you gifts and be present and prioritise you, perhaps communicate this to him or organise a romantic weekend to reconnect and cherish the friendship with your friend, while keeping a firm boundary 💜💕
@Haru131830
You're not a bad person. It’s human to develop feelings, especially when emotional needs aren't being met in your present relationship. You’ve grown and changed over the years, and it’s okay to notice new emotions emerging in new environments.
Ask yourself:
- Are you staying in the eight-year relationship out of habit, guilt, or genuine connection?
- When you think about your partner, do you feel emotionally seen and fulfilled? It seems that you are not, and have you attempted to talk with him about it? What has he said?
- What kind of partnership do you want now—not what you imagined years ago?
Sometimes long-term relationships established early in life outgrow their foundation. That doesn’t mean they were a mistake; it means you’re evolving.
The connection with your university friend may be illuminating unmet needs:
- Emotional availability
- Attentiveness
- Shared time and values
Ask yourself: What is drawing you to this new person? Are these needs being ignored in your current relationship?
Feeling guilt doesn't mean you're doing something wrong—it means you have a strong moral compass. But guilt shouldn't paralyze you. It should guide reflection, not self-punishment. You’re not cheating by having feelings; you’re being honest with yourself.
Avoid rushing into a new relationship without fully understanding what's happening in the current one. Otherwise, this may repeat in the future. Emotional closure matters before beginning something new.
- What am I afraid of losing—him or the history?
- If I met him for the first time today, would I still choose him?
- Do I feel emotionally safe and respected in this relationship?
Consider Talking to Your Partner!
- Share how you’re feeling, respectfully, honestly, and without blame. You do not need nor should you openly discuss your University friend. Remember, the University friend is actually a SYMPTOM, not the CAUSE or CORE ISSUE. Focus on the core issue.
- Be specific about what’s not working and what you need to feel emotionally connected again.
- See if there’s willingness and capacity to rebuild intimacy and effort from both sides.