I need honest opinions - no sugar coating , also i’m super open minded
Hey y’all, I need honest opinions on this situation. Please no sugarcoating.I want to hear what actually seems fair and where I could improve.
Here’s the backstory:
My partner and I started off as friends, then one day we went on a date and ended up spending every day together after that. In the beginning, he was attentive and loving, and I felt seen. A few months later, I got pregnant.
At first, he was good, but once the pregnancy progressed, it felt like he stopped putting in effort. His mom has always babied her kids, and now it feels like she expects me to pick up all the slack, while he does very little unless I ask repeatedly. I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I’m exhausted, yet he works and goes to school, but sometimes prioritizes video games or friends over helping me.
I constantly ask for help with chores and organization, but it feels ignored. When I set boundaries or ask to be left alone to get things done, he sometimes reacts immaturely, smacking my butt or play fighting or distracting me when I explicitly ask him to stop. Meanwhile, I handle so much for him and his family, but I don’t get support in return.I literally do everything for them i’m managing two houses. I clean,cook, etc etc.
I know he’s still growing and learning, but I feel like his family’s influence and his immaturity are making me resentful. I want to be in my “soft girl era,” not constantly managing everything alone.
My questions:
Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to help more without me asking 30 times?
How can I communicate my needs effectively so he actually listens?
Are there things I could do differently to reduce this tension?
Thanks in advance for honest feedback—I really want to hear how this seems from the outside.
@gbizzlee
No, it is not unreasonable to expect him to help. your current communication is obviously not working. it sounds like he has never been expected to help or do anything and that is not an easy habit to break. working like crazy to keep up with all you are doing is for what? recognition for efforts or a big " your amazing" it will not happen.
sadly, many who expect this to be done are NOT going to stop and recognize your effort and your frustration and resentment will only grow. being strong and doing it all just makes us tired because others grow to expect it.
Set boundaries NOT just with him but with yourself ..........that you will not do everything and let some things slide. it is amazing how someone who is uncomfortable will step up and help.
You need to retrain him to the fact you are NOT his MOM and will not cater to his every whim.
@gbizzlee
You are absolutely not being unreasonable at all.
And why would his family expect you to run their house?
What entitlement.
Yes, he's going to school, but you are rearing a child and it's annoying that people think being a stay at home mom means doing nothing, they'd know the reality quick sharp if they had to do it.
You are being more patient and considerate than I would be.
Your feelings matter too.
And yes, his family loves him, but he's in the relationship with you and it's his child, he needs to pull his weight, not alot to ask 💚
