I need some advice
Ok so I'm currently a junior in high school I'll start with that and since I was 14, I've kind of decided that I don't want to be in a relationship in the future (ofc that can change but I just felt like I could live fine on my own). I have a clear vision of what career I want to do in the future, what I want to do after I graduate from college and medical school. So yesterday I was texting a good friend about college decisions and stuff. And I told him about how I might move away and all that. So then we went through a few loops until he was like "Why can't you just choose a school here? Sure those schools are prestigious but it's not like they're essential." That's when I got a bit confused but I still kept on talking about my visions and whatever until he was like "what im getting at is that do u really want to go it out alone" and then i didn't get it and i thought he meant friends and family. Until he was like "I liked you for a few years now" and since 8th grade too (since we went to the same middle school). Ok the thing is I have liked him for a while back then too for like a year or so because like we think similarly and we discussed schoolwork a lot and like it felt comfortable talking to him. But I don't like him anymore bc as mentioned earlier I can't imagine myself in a relationship so like I'm practically aromantic right now. When he said that he liked me my heartbeat did become like a lot faster but i don't know if it's because it's him, or because this is my first time that someone just told me that they liked me. When I heard him say sweet stuff like "I liked your pretty smile" and all that I felt like really uncomfortable like I don't like that kind of sweet talk and stuff. But it was like really late when we were texting so I just told him I needed more time to think and left it at that. Ok so I woke up this morning and I had a deep thought about it. Even if we do get together, it's not going to last past high school and I don't know how much it will affect me. It's because like, I have very high ambitions, I'm aiming for the Ivy schools because I can. They are still reach schools for me but I practically have extracurriculars every day and I do research and all that and I'm doing good with sat prep. So first problem is that I don't have time at the moment for romance. I barely even have days free for like a bubble tea trip after school with my friends because of my responsibilities. Sure I could have a few days free to spend time with him but I feel like I wouldn't have enough time for him. Second, he told me about his future. He wants to go to trade school. I'm not going to lie but I very disapprove of that goal because he has the brains for a good college, even an Ivy if he tries like I know what he's capable of. As a friend, I might be able to just say that I support him but if we're like in a relationship, there's no way that I can overlook that. And if I'm aiming for an Ivy (and I get in hopefully) then there's a good chance that it could be long-distance after high school. That's why I'm saying it probably won't last long. Third, I don't know how it will end. Like I know for a fact that romance will influence my life and all that and like I'm extremely terrified of ending this in a way that Asian parents say: you can't focus on your academics when you have the relationship and you can't handle the emotional stress that comes after the breakup. Like my mom doesn't want me dating in high school either but it wouldn't be that much of a problem to hide the relationship from her. I'm like a very pessimistic person and I'm a realist so like I consider things with my brain more than my heart. Sure I might like him but if I consider the consequences and the cons I don't think this will go well. Fourth: He's about the same height as me. Ik that sounds very messed up judging a person by their height but I have to admit I do care about the height to a little extent, just not as much as the other factors otherwise I wouldn't have liked him in the past.
So now I have like no clue how to give him an answer, and we have school tomorrow and I'm gonna be seeing him and I do not know how I should act in person.
Love comes blindly. If u truly love somebody, the cons and pros wouldn't be a thaught.
I suggest u sit down and talk to him openly about your worries and all this, as u said uve known him a while and feel comfortable around them. They should be able to understand and support you, making it a more comfortable position.
Don't stress about it. Maybe just clear your mind, don't think deeply into it and listen to your heart, not your brain. How do u see him? A friend, more than a friend?
That's not for your brain to decide.
You only live once, life is about learning from mistakes and finding new people. Don't focus on how you think it would end out, you can't see the future. Think about the present and how you want things now, not when it's the future and too late.
You will never know how the relationship will go unless you try it.
If you can't find the time for them, they will understand. Doesn't mean u could at least try, talk to them about this too.
I wish you luck darling.
@quietCurrent806
I think you are not prepared for LIFE..... there is an old saying "if you want to hear GOD laugh tell him your plan...."
like the other poster said talk to your friend but realize that this may be a challenge to your plan for life.
It sounds like the cons far outweigh the pros in your mind. In fact, you didn't even list any possible pros, so we don't even know what they are. I can only assume there weren't enough pros to make you feel like trying things out with him was a good decision.
To summarize:
- You expressed that you both have different goals in life which would lead you to live in different places. Not everyone is built for long-distance relationships. It sounds like you don't have an interest in entertaining that.
- You also expressed that you feel like you may not be able to invest the time and energy into him that you feel he deserves while wanting to prioritize school/career. This is a valid concern. There's nothing wrong with this, just ask yourself if this is what you truly want for yourself or if it's internalized family values that aren't yours.
- You expressed that you would have a hard time respecting his decision to go to the school he wants to go to if you were in a romantic relationship with him. I don't know if he would be willing to change his mind on this if you were in a relationship or not.
- While his height is not a deal breaker for you, you do have a slight preference for it being different.
If you are having serious doubts and mixed feelings, it is unlikely to be a good idea. Wait for something you feel really strong and certain about. Also, you never know how things will play out in the future. Maybe it is something to revisit later in life. You never know.
As for how to handle responding to him, you can just say that you like him or did in the past, but you feel you're currently going in two different directions in life and therefore, incompatible. Then he can decide what he wants to do with that information.