Insecurity?
Hey guys!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 1/2 years. I have really been struggling with being insecure and lately I’m spiraling. I’ve definitely improved from how I used to be and I was doing really good. I wasn’t letting the thoughts flood my head and I was able to control my insecure thoughts.
He has not done anything to show me that he would be unfaithful, but I still get those negative thoughts of him finding someone else. He loves me and he shows me everyday he does and I know he truly cares for me. I am being eaten up by the insecurity right now and I’m doing my very best to stay afloat. I am listening to self-growth podcasts, I’m working out, I’m finding new hobbies, I’m talking to myself positively, but I keep going downhill.
Any thoughts or ideas? Anyone in a similar situation?
@ThatOneGurl626
Insecurity can be how you feel about yourself and not a reflection on him... it sounds like you are doing all sorts of things to work on things but sometimes i find i have to be still and listen to myself and find what is really getting to me.
sometimes it is not the obvious thing or the thing you might think it is .
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for this! Yes, I will admit my insecurities come from how I feel about myself, it’s not always about him. Things have happened in the past, but we’ve worked through it and he’s helped me through it. I am doing a lot better this week, it was just super tough last week. I appreciate the advice and I will definitely do more self reflection.
I'm sorry you're struggling with this situation. Insecurity and fear of loss is a really difficult process. I've had similar feelings too.Sometimes we hold on to some things so tightly and are afraid of losing them that we harm ourselves and the other person.I understand from your words that you value him very much. And I'm happy for you. I hope your relationship continues well.You should know this: Some things in life are in our hands, and some things are not. Sometimes a beloved item can break and get lost. Of course, this may not happen .But appreciate the things you have while you still have them and experience the peace and beauty of the present. We don't know what the future will bring to us. This is actually both scary and beautiful. S Take care of yourself and go with the flow. Rest assured, everything in life will work out somehow 💐
My 3-year relationship ended a few days ago. It's actually a very difficult process for me. But I cannot reflect this to my surroundings. I want to cry, I can't cry. Because I'm a man, I'm judged even if I don't cry.I am judged for talking about relationship issues. Unfortunately, I live in an environment that always judges rather than understands... Actually, I'm used to it. I can fight alone.But still, sometimes I wish I could find someone who could listen without judgment to sort out the confusion in my mind. There were trust issues in our relationship too. But the real problem was that I could not draw my own boundaries and was very self-sacrificing.When I tried to set my own boundaries and say something I was upset or uncomfortable with, my feelings were often disregarded and I was accused of being touchy and arrogant.I really wanted to be understood and for my feelings to be taken into account, but unfortunately, my relationship with my girlfriend is not getting better anymore because I could not draw this limit in the beginning.In fact, my last girlfriend broke up with me because I said something I wasn't comfortable with.He told me that I was unsympathetic, selfish and egotistical. All I did was properly say something I was uncomfortable with. I didn't use rude or forward words. He reacted greatly and left that night. I don't know how to feel after this. These events have happened many times in different ways. We broke up several times. Unfortunately, I have no hope anymore. I have no faith left...
@okkes I am very sorry to hear this. I think you are more than okay to cry and to let out your emotions. If a man cries it is not a sign of weakness. I do agree that the world is very judgmental, but you need to let your emotions out too. If you need an outlet, I am here. I don’t judge anyone because it’s not my place to. Please don’t be afraid to reach out to others or to me. I’ve been listening to a lot of self growth podcasts and one thing I learned is you should NEVER be put down for having boundaries. When faced with negativity or criticism just because I was setting boundaries, I learned to not allow myself to be treated that way. I wouldn’t listen to those who were trying to put me down or make me feel like the bad guy unless I genuinely was in the wrong. Some people may never change, but you definitely deserve the right to express how you feel.
It is very important to set those boundaries from the start. You WILL find that person who accepts you for who you are and understands. Communication is key and it goes both ways. Do not give up. It is not your fault for expressing how you feel. Especially if you were not rash or rude about it. Don’t ever tell yourself you’re wrong for feeling some sort of way if it makes you uncomfortable. That is never selfish, egotistical, or unsympathetic.
Thank you for all your nice and supportive words 🥺 While reading your messages, I finally couldn't hold it in and cried :')Unfortunately, there are people around us who really judge us a lot. And when they judged me, I couldn't be myself and I blamed myself. I realized that I had unintentionally considered their judgments to be correct. And I realized that I felt like I had to be what they wanted and said. A.While crying, I reproached him, "Why didn't you let me be myself?" I think I kept too much to myself about this. My biggest need in our relationship was to be understood and for my boundaries to be respected. But since I realized that I was sacrificing my boundaries and myself, I tried to fix it. But we have not been able to achieve this for a long time. I don't blame my girlfriend. I even blame myself a little. But I also understand myself. Because at first my girlfriend had a lot of problems. And I didn't want to bother her with my discomforts. Afterwards, I couldn't manage to fix them. Maybe I should have told her even if he had problems.
Nowadays I feel like maybe my girlfriend will want to talk to me again and be together again. This usually happened in a few of our discussions. But I think the right thing would be to refuse to accept this and lick our own wounds first.He is struggling with so many things in his mind. And I can't be good for him. He was thinking of going to a psychologist, but he kept postponing it. He is very afraid of leaving his comfort zone. Front His environment is also very judgmental and he is much more affected by those judgments. He had an argument with me a few times because his roommates were badmouthing me.I think he was always running away from his problems to me. And this prevents it from developing. And our problems are not getting better :')
Thank you very much indeed for your messages. After a really long time, I felt truly understood and not alone. I'm glad there are good people like you in this life. 🍀
When I wrote the messages with translation, the words got mixed up in some parts 😅 his->her, him->her
@Okkes You’re totally fine! I figured that’s what you meant when it said his and him haha.
@Okkes So sorry for the late response! My week got a little busy. I’m glad you were able to let out your emotions and cried. It’s good to cry, don’t be ashamed of it. I totally understand the judging yourself. It’s not your fault and people need to learn to not be so judgmental in general. Society has gotten really bad about it. Unfortunately we all go through that stage of trying to be someone we don’t need to be in hopes of being accepted. I completely understand the emotion and thoughts you were feeling while cried. I don’t know your full relationship situation, but I do know that not everything is your fault. It goes both ways in a relationship regarding why it may have ended.
I know this is all in hindsight, but in the future. If you feel some type of way or are uncomfortable with something. Communicate with your partner. Don’t hold it in because it didn’t help. When you communicate and when you’re with the right person, they won’t judge you. They’ll understand and they’ll try to help you not feel uncomfortable.
Whether you decide to get back with her is something you both need to decide. I do agree with you that you should consider healing what caused the break up in the first place. Setting boundaries and discussing what needs to be different this type you know? I think a lot of things may need to be addressed, but it’s all up to you guys. I hope you are doing better after a couple of days. It sucks that your girlfriend’s environment is judgmental too. It’s a very toxic thing to be in a judgy environment. I hope you guys are able to figure things out.
It’s no problem at all! I don’t mind listening to your story as you listened to mine as well. I’m glad you feel understood and not alone, that’s what I hoped to do! Thank you for that, that means a lot to me. I’m glad there are people like you in life as well. I have a quote that I really enjoy living by and it says, “You are someone’s reason to smile.” You put a smile on my face and I’m sure you put smiles on countless other people too.
I'm in a huge emotional breakdown right now.ð¥ºI can't find anyone to talk to, there is no one. I came from school to the family home. I found a note about my lover in the family home. And I've been crying for hours. I was hiding in the room, my mother came and I cried even more. I'm really ashamed. From myself, from what I've experienced, from what I've put myself through, from my weakness. I want to tell my experiences to a stranger I don't know. I wrote to a few people here but did not hear back. You I wanted to write to you too, but there was no message section. I can't explain this part fully :( but I'm really ashamed and hate myself because I feel like I've been used...
@Okkes I am so sorry I wasn’t able to see this earlier. How is everything going? Are you okay? What happened? I’m sorry to hear that you weren’t doing well. You found a note from your past lover? Is that correct? I do have an idea on how you could possibly message me so it’s not out in the open. I have a listener account because I used to be a listener. My username is @ListeningGirl626. If you would like, you could always let me know when you need to vent or talk about anything and I can switch accounts? I believe you could look up my username and request to message or message me. I’m not sure if that would work and or if you’re still needing to talk. I understand not wanting it be out in the open. I will get better at checking this thread too! Know that you are not weak and you should not hate yourself. Please let me know how you are doing!
I learned a few bad things today. That's why I'm a little bad, but I'll try to be better. I sent you a message. If you are available and want, I would like to talk 💐
@okkes I appreciate all that you wrote, I really like the perspective you shared and I agree with everything. I really appreciate it. I should be appreciating and cherishing the time I have with someone instead of dwelling on the hypotheticals. I am doing a lot better this week, but this definitely helped boost me more too ❤️
I'm so glad you're better now. I hope your heart and soul will be more peaceful and spacious 💐. I hope you and your boyfriend overcome everything in your relationship together 🤍It's really nice that you strive to improve yourself and progress. I hope you enjoy every moment of your life and have a beautiful life. ✨🍀
Likewise, if you want to talk, I will try to understand you as much as I can and listen without judging you 💐
@okkes Yes I am doing a lot better now! I really appreciate all that you said, that truly means a lot to me. Thank you. Yes I am doing my very best to improve and work on myself. I think it is good to take care of yourself and give yourself the love you deserve. I hope you are able to find that time for yourself. I hope you as well enjoy every moment of your life and have a beautiful one too. Thank you ❤️