Is it cheating or is it my fault ?
I stopped talking to everyone for 8 months when I was depressed and told my boyfriend to find someone better over and over again and now we are back together but he told me this yesterday and I feel empty.
"During the time you were gone for a long time. Back in April or May. I had been going insane and had to step out of class a lot. I couldn’t get out of my head how you said to stop loving you and to find someone else. I got mad at myself for thinking about you because I thought you wouldn’t want me to love you and that it was bad for me to still have feelings for you. One of the people who helped me was Natalie and she hugged me a lot and listened to me and I would tell her a lot how much I missed you and everything. She would listen to me and try to help and I for some reason I tried to force myself to love her because I thought you’d be mad if I didn’t and one time I had my head on her shoulder when we were on the bus for a field trip and we sang and another time when we were hugging I put my face on her neck. I told her that I could probably love her but she basically told me we couldn’t and I’m glad for that because I didn’t love her at all.I just wanted to make you happy. I hated myself for it"
@cyberiaaa
not your fault and Not IMO cheating.
you were in deep depression and told him to move on ... he was upset and a friend tried to comfort him but did not go farther...
I know it hurt you. Did you expect him to understand you were at a low but you did not mean move on?
I think you should find a way to see he told you and he must have thought it was showing you he could not move on because he had no feelings for another. Some would be happy they were told at all and not founding "hey he was hanging out with N when you were not dealing with anyone. "
I don't know. I just can't stop thinking about it. Singing together was our special thing. It feels like I'm not special anymore.
@cyberiaaa
What you do together is still special as in that moment it is a collaboration.... think of famous duets even if someone fills in ... it is not the same.
I feel it is a choice to be together. he chose you ... Overthinking all the what ifs is only beating yourself up over imaginary issues.
It keeps replaying in my head over and over again how he said he could love her. How he hugged her in such a intimate way
I wish the attempt worked then maybe today I wouldn't be feeling this way . What if Natalie would've said yes
I think for your relationship, forgetting about it is the best way.
The stress you got is normal, but I think he is honest. Maybe that means he is a good person. I hope you find the best way for you to deal with that situation