Is this emotional attachment or obsession?
For a year now, ive been emotionally stuck on a girl i consider as a friend, and im trying to understand whether im experiencing attachment, obsession or something else. We were never in a relationship but the dynamic has always been confusing nd emotionally draining for me at times. sometimes she's warm, playful and personal. she jokes about marrying me someday, calls me "husband material" shares personal things, sends me photos of herself when she buys a new dress or smt, makes future plans to travel. at other times she becomes distant, avoids calls, ignores invitations to hangout or makes dismissive jokes that make me feel small and overthinking about what I said before.
Over time ive noticed that when I pull away or become less available she seems to notice and becomes warmer and attentive to me and when I start engaging and open up she pulls back again. this is like a loop where the warm good moments leaves me hopeful even tho the whole experience leaves me anxious and second guessing myself. Logically I dont think this is love, but emotionally im very attached which makes it very hard for me to let go and i dont know why but I think about her a lot I see her in my dreams, I feel like I should be with her.
@emptychambers8184
If you have feelings even if unsure of them ...maybe say something and find out. once and for all.
The warm and playful keeps you interested and yet when you want to make real progress, she is colder. sounds like you are a good guy, but she is not done shopping for a BF yet and if she does not find exactly what she wants........... you can and will be a backup plan.
That is not fair for you to be breadcrumbed when in the meantime you might find someone who has real feelings for you.
@toughTiger6481
I get what youre saying and I have thought about that a lot. I did try to be clear in my own way, I asked her to call, asked her out once, and showed interest and that’s when I realized its one of the things that makes the pattern becomes colder or avoidant. So its probably clear enough if she doesnt say it out loud, she never said no she just keep giving excuses.
At this point I think I know creating distance and refocusing on myself is healthier but I just cant seem to do that I dont know what it is about this girl Ive never felt something like this for anyone else before. I think I felt drawn to her partly because she reminded me of an old best friend I once loved deeply (and who loved me back). Theres kind of a physical resemblance and a similar emotionally distant, nonchalant personality which I was able to change and maybe I am expecting the same result with this girl. I think that resemblance played a bigger role than I realized at first.
