I've never been more sorry in my life. Can I fix my relationship?
My partner recently gave me a note asking for a break in our relationship. In that note, she said that she has been miserable in our relationship for the last few months. She no longer felt excited to go on dates, I exhausted her and our routine activities were annoying and felt like a chore.
I was extremely shocked when I read the letter. All this time I thought we were good and happy, but in reality she was miserable and has been exhausted by me for the last 2 months. I was also extremely hurt by the letter. It was the most painful thing that anyone has ever said to me.
In the letter she also said that she felt uncomfortable over an incident that happened between us. We were having some "alone time", nothing sexual just kissing and stuff, and I did ask for consent and I did check if she was OK, and she said yes to both, so at that time I didn't know that she wasn't ready for that stuff yet. She said that it's not my fault for not knowing and she's not trying to blame me, but she said she felt violated that day and has been avoiding any alone time with me ever since. I found this extremely difficult to hear. I cannot believe I made my parter feel this way. I had no idea. I wish I had been more attentive to her or maybe I should have checked in with her more often. I don't know how I can live with myself knowing I made her feel this way.
I initially tried to break off the relationship because I thought there was no point in staying in a relationship if she was so miserable. But she wanted a break not a break up and wanted to work on the relationship. She told me she was regretful and would have never given me the letter if she knew we would break up, so I decided to agree to the break. Some part of me also felt that if I didn't give the relationship another chance, I too would also regret it.
But I'm so hurt. I felt like the last 2 months of our relationship has been a lie and I don't know if I can trust her again. I know I have alot to work on personally and I'm willing to do it and make a change because I want this relationship to work. But I'm also deeply hurt.
How can I move forward from the pain?
Also, is there anyway I can fix my relationship with my parter? If I could turn back time and undo everything I would. Nobody knows how sorry I am.
@kindPlum3917
It sounds like there are many communication issues.... she went along to try to make this work.... this says clearly she is not ready for any relationship. She needs to learn to speak up not go along and blame you for her refusal or inability to speak up.
I know you feel it is your fault........... but how would you know if she acted like things were fine then told you "hey i am miserable".
She was playing a part like all was ok. As for the other maybe she also not speaking up for whatever reason ..... maybe she felt assumed pressure not directly from you but she thinking you would break up if she did not make out with you....
your asking and trying to be respectful of boundaries could not know she would lie.... or even if not a lie regret after the fact and put that back on you. IF you want this relationship ... you both need to learn serious communication skills and trust that neither is playing a part.
