Jelousy

 I have a concern, and I admit I’m wrong in some ways — honestly, I feel like I’m becoming toxic because of it. I would really appreciate any advice.

I’ve been struggling with jealousy and insecurity because of my partner’s past. He was in a 2-year relationship with someone who cheated on him and got pregnant by another man. Despite that, he forgave her and even begged her to marry him, knowing everything. She was very on and off — she would only message him when she felt like it. She lives in Mexico, while my partner is in Canada.

In 2023, she even showed up at his door with her father. When she told him she missed him, he thought they’d finally be together, just as they had planned in 2020 (though it never happened because she kept being inconsistent). After that visit, the same cycle continued — he kept chasing her, and nothing changed. That’s how things were until he met me. In March 2024, he even flew to Mexico again to beg her to marry him, but by then she clearly no longer cared.

We met in June 2024. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I was just a rebound. But apart from those thoughts, he actually treats me better than anyone has in the past — he gives effort and comforts me in ways my past partners didn’t. He’s been the best in that sense.

However, I made the mistake of going through his phone.

I saw how he treated her: delivering flowers and gifts when she was sick, giving her a diamond promise ring, planning their wedding with excitement, searching for beautiful places to take her and nice restaurants to dine at.

Now with me, he gave me a simple gold ring when he proposed — no engagement ring. He said this is the ring I’ll wear until we get married. He doesn’t really talk about marriage like he did with her. He doesn’t plan outings or fine dining unless I suggest it. To be fair, though, he is very calm and sweet, and he cooks for me, just like he used to for her.

One day, I couldn’t hold it in and cried. I told him I felt insecure because what he does for me feels so much less than what he did for her.

I also remember him telling me before that his ex was “high to reach” — meaning she was rich.

I can’t help but think: I’m just simple. I don’t dress sexy. I feel so far beneath her.

When I opened up to him about this, he said, “I’m sorry if you feel that way, but my past doesn’t bother me anymore. You are my life now.”

That gave me some reassurance.

But fast forward — his ex still texts him using different numbers. He informs me about it and filters the messages, saying there’s no conversation. But of course there was — I saw that his replies were always, “Things are different now.”

But I noticed he never says, “I’ve moved on” or “I love my present now.”

Months later, his ex messaged him on WhatsApp while he was at work. She texted in Spanish: “Can I talk to you before I say goodbye.”

Later, he called her, but she didn’t pick up. Then she called back, and he answered — the call lasted 22 seconds before she ended it.

That night, I checked his phone and saw the call logs — both incoming and outgoing.

The next morning, I asked him sweetly, pretending I didn’t know. I said, “Are you talking to someone else? Are you talking to your ex?”

He said, “No.”

So, he lied.

I couldn’t sleep while he snored beside me. I even texted him while lying next to him. In the morning, he kissed me and admitted he had called, but claimed it was by accident while using his AirPods.

But I know that’s impossible. AirPods won’t automatically call a number not saved in your contacts — unless you activate Siri and announce the name or number. He also tried to excuse it by saying he gets a lot of random calls because of his business.

Then he said, “She called me first, that’s why when I said call back, it dialed her number.”

But I know that’s not true — he called her first, right after he translated her message. Another lie

 I have a concern, and I admit I’m wrong in some ways — honestly, I feel like I’m becoming toxic because of it. I would really appreciate any advice.

I’ve been struggling with jealousy and insecurity because of my partner’s past. He was in a 2-year relationship with someone who cheated on him and got pregnant by another man. Despite that, he forgave her and even begged her to marry him, knowing everything. She was very on and off — she would only message him when she felt like it. She lives in Mexico, while my partner is in Canada.

In 2023, she even showed up at his door with her father. When she told him she missed him, he thought they’d finally be together, just as they had planned in 2020 (though it never happened because she kept being inconsistent). After that visit, the same cycle continued — he kept chasing her, and nothing changed. That’s how things were until he met me. In March 2024, he even flew to Mexico again to beg her to marry him, but by then she clearly no longer cared.

We met in June 2024. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I was just a rebound. But apart from those thoughts, he actually treats me better than anyone has in the past — he gives effort and comforts me in ways my past partners didn’t. He’s been the best in that sense.

However, I made the mistake of going through his phone.

I saw how he treated her: delivering flowers and gifts when she was sick, giving her a diamond promise ring, planning their wedding with excitement, searching for beautiful places to take her and nice restaurants to dine at.

Now with me, he gave me a simple gold ring when he proposed — no engagement ring. He said this is the ring I’ll wear until we get married. He doesn’t really talk about marriage like he did with her. He doesn’t plan outings or fine dining unless I suggest it. To be fair, though, he is very calm and sweet, and he cooks for me, just like he used to for her.

One day, I couldn’t hold it in and cried. I told him I felt insecure because what he does for me feels so much less than what he did for her.

I also remember him telling me before that his ex was “high to reach” — meaning she was rich.

I can’t help but think: I’m just simple. I don’t dress sexy. I feel so far beneath her.

When I opened up to him about this, he said, “I’m sorry if you feel that way, but my past doesn’t bother me anymore. You are my life now.”

That gave me some reassurance.

But fast forward — his ex still texts him using different numbers. He informs me about it and filters the messages, saying there’s no conversation. But of course there was — I saw that his replies were always, “Things are different now.”

But I noticed he never says, “I’ve moved on” or “I love my present now.”

Months later, his ex messaged him on WhatsApp while he was at work. She texted in Spanish: “Can I talk to you before I say goodbye.”

Later, he called her, but she didn’t pick up. Then she called back, and he answered — the call lasted 22 seconds before she ended it.

That night, I checked his phone and saw the call logs — both incoming and outgoing.

The next morning, I asked him sweetly, pretending I didn’t know. I said, “Are you talking to someone else? Are you talking to your ex?”

He said, “No.”

So, he lied.

I couldn’t sleep while he snored beside me. I even texted him while lying next to him. In the morning, he kissed me and admitted he had called, but claimed it was by accident while using his AirPods.

But I know that’s impossible. AirPods won’t automatically call a number not saved in your contacts — unless you activate Siri and announce the name or number. He also tried to excuse it by saying he gets a lot of random calls because of his business.

Then he said, “She called me first, that’s why when I said call back, it dialed her number.”

But I know that’s not true — he called her first, right after he translated her message. Another lie