Just felt like letting it out here, so…

I’m new to this app and this community, and something that brings me here is my breakup. It happened in Feb this year, I had panic attacks back to back when it happened. This person was everything to me. Till date I don’t know what was the actual reason of the separation but all she said was this isn’t working for her. And things about how my anxiety really triggered her. I know that is not the person who deserves my love. Especially after she said that. But I dated that girl for 6 months, and in those 6 months, there have been a lot of times where I really felt that this person loves me because of who I am, I felt that she accepted of whoever I am, whatever I am, however I am. And I really loved that person. I really cared for her a lot. And… it’s her birthday today. Can’t even wish her birthday coz we both blocked each other. I know this thread of mine is going all over the place, there’s no structure at all to anything. But there’s a pain you know, its there in my heart, as if it’s crying inside there. It’s like it’s sobbing badly. But outside, I’m not able to cry it out. There’s something that holds me back. And I’ve cried earlier properly, like sobbed over it many times, in my therapy sessions, while driving. It has happened and I’ve never stopped myself for letting it out. After the breakup, I’ve worked my *** off, I did a lot of work, trying to keep myself moving with the flow of life, but it just happens to be that I find myself back at the same place I was at March. Where I think I’ve finally moved over her, and then boom, depression, Surprise surprise! I still miss her daily. Things around me reminds me of the time I’ve spend with her, I try to be on the dating apps, I get matches but I am not able to flirt with anyone. I know I don’t want her back in my life, that is for sure. The reason being she doesn’t gives a ***, and I don’t want a partner who is constantly looking for a better option. Why the heck is it taking me so much time to get back on track? My sleep cycle has been ruined, no matter what I try to sleep, I am not able to sleep properly and then I wake up super late. This girl has really effed my life up.