Just found out my husband had serious Oedipus complex as a teen. Don't know how to deal with it.
My husband generaly talk in his sleep. Today while doing so he reached out to me but said " Mom, please cuddle me". When he woke up I confronted him of something I've had a lingering doubt about for a very long time. I asked him outright if he has the Oedipus Complex.
Please note his mom died 2 years ago, she had him in her 40s after a lot of treatments to have a child. He is an only child.
He confessed that when he is 13 or 14 . He was very sick due to recurring jaundice and other liver disease that had him in bed for almost 8 months with sickness. In that time his only source of entertainment was some erotic books. It made his imagination run wild and as his mother was the only female around he would suck her nipples while she slept. He said she was a heavy sleeper and is she woke up she would push him away. I asked him if it aroused him he said yes.
I didn't ask him anything more as it felt like I was already invading too much also I didn't want to know more. I know nothing more happen after that.
But i am having a hard time coping up. I don't mostly mind the fact that he had the complex. Lots of men do. And it's the age where they are developing psycosexualy. But we had have lot of trouble in our relationship because I feel like he has very less sexual attraction to me. It impacts my confidence and we'll being. Also I always feel like he wants me to baby him and behaves like i should do things like a mother does for their son .
I'm feeling very disgusted. How to get over it. I love this man. But ***. What the *** is this ?
@Jushiee
Hello. It is very sad to hear how frustrated, endangered and confused, or even disgusted, you may feel about the problem with your partner's past emotional attachment to a parent going astray.
First, I would be not too concerned about the terminology. Both the Oedipus complex, and its female equivalent, called the Electra complex - as you mentioned - can be natural _temporary_ stages of a kid developing into an adult human.
I believe there is nothing wrong with a boy of 4 declaring he would like to marry his mother, or with a girl of 5 who would like to sit on her daddy's knees. But sometimes, especially with a teenager, it can go a wrong path.
Nevertheless, I think it is certainly not you to blame, and as far as your partner is concerned - what about thinking of him not as like a villain, but as a victim?
It was his mother who was adult, not him. And she should have known a boy of 12 or more should have been sleeping alone.
The problem might possibly go as far as not only some wrong attitudes between your partner and his mother, but also to be the result of some serious issues in his parents' marriage.
And what a parent lets their 13- or 14-year-old child read erotic books when sick at home?
And why noticing such a situation (with nipples) his mom (or his dad?) did not have a very serious talk with him and did nothing to avoid the circumstances repeating?
For me a parent of the opposite sex sleeping in the same bed with a kid - if not forced by poverty or homelessness - is an abuse. And a parent letting situation like you described to happen seems to be neglectful or at least ignorant of some of their basic responsibilities.
Now, what it means for you: Have you been aware earlier that your partner's emotional relationship with his mom (or emotional dependence on her) might have been too close? How do you think it can influence your relationship now?
One thing surely seems to be problematic: if you ever decided to have children - how would it be possible for you both performing your roles as parents and your partner expecting to be like your son at the same time?
Though, I believe, there is nothing wrong with tenderness and cuddling between partners... This can be one of the most beautiful aspects of being in a relationship - if that works naturally from both sides.
However, has you partner considered talking to a therapist about some roles in his family of origin "mixed up"?
