Just got broken up with
hi, so I got broken up with a couple hours ago, and I’m struggling a little because from how it went and the reasoning behind it, it wasn’t my fault. For specifics, my now ex essentially said I’ve been nothing but good to him and that this was the best relationship he’s ever been in. However, he just started a new job and he has problems from his past, that I was aware of, that he feels he’s going to have to face soon, and from what it sounded like he didn’t want to deal with a relationship on top of dealing with that. He phrased it by saying that he’s worried he’s going to hurt me and wanted to end it before that happened. Another thing he mentioned though was that he entered a relationship with me quickly after ending a serious relationship with his previous ex, so while he assured I wasn’t a rebound and that we would never let it get this serious if it was like that, I can’t help but feel used.
basically, although it sounds like I was not at fault for the relationship ending and it was moreso him needing to work on himself, I almost wish I was at fault because then it would be for a reason that I was in control of. But, to hear I did everything right, and it still ended makes my heart hurt and I’m hoping I can get advice on how to proceed with getting over this.
@ryaph Hello ryaph. I understand how hard breakups can be I can't imagine how hurt and helpless you might feel especially after hearing how the breakup went. You said that you did a lot for the relationship and from what he said it's apparent that he knows this too. If I was in your position I would feel heartbroken and out of control too. Something I like to focus on are things that are in my control when I feel control because there truly are so many things out of my control. Trying to come to terms that there are things out of my control and that I've done my best in the things that I have control of. Of course with the added layer of the breakup I understand this may be really hard to do. I may first just grieve this breakup embrace and feel my sadness and slowly integrate other thoughts later. This might not work for everyone. Healing from a breakup is a long and difficult path don't hesitate to reach out to a listener we are here for you.
I feel for you @ryaph and know exactly how you feel. It hurts and you are confused and angry and sad and annoyed all at the same time and wish you never knew him. I am dealing with heartache as well, husband of 19 years told me he stopped having feelings for me and it’s nothing that I did, he just realized that he didn’t want to be with me. Talk about feeling used, that is how I felt after 19 years supporting him, bringing up a family and now that the kids are older he doesn’t want to be with me. Thank your lucky stars that you have no children.
Time will heal. It has been a year and the pain is less for me now. The longer the relationship the longer it will take to heal. Accept that he no longer loves you and grieve the lost relationship, feel the pain and sadness. In the mean time surround yourself with your tribe, people who care and loves you, take walks in nature and take out your frustrations on a run/boxing bag/swim. Have no contact with him and let him go. Maybe it is a blessing that he broke it up now, instead of 5 years later and you have wasted 5 more years of your life. Take care and be compassionate towards yourself. He was not the one. ❤️
I feel thatt, and at least on my end the lack of any real reasoning hurt cuz my ex and I would have long discussions about how love to us is about choosing each other everyday and no matter what we struggle with cuz we’d be there to help each other grow. So, it’s like how are you going to have these feelings concerning me, not come to me with those concerns even though I’m you’re person, and then come to that solution all on your own. Like the level of blindsiding is just so selfish because he clearly had time to check out of the relationship, and here I am drowning in my feelings. I’m sorry about your situation as well, you definitely deserve better and I hope we both can work past how we got treated.