Lonely wife
Married nearly a decade now to a nice enough man, who provides and takes good care of our family. I stay because I value marriage and my children. I used to hope things would change between us because I really did enjoy our relationship at many points. Unfortunately, now I’m getting desperate as nothing gets him to see his lack of efforts towards US. It’s been a little up and down over the past 5 years. Every weekend is about the children, every vacation, every decision. I used to greatly value that he is such a family man. However, after having to tolerate one indiscretion (that I know of) years ago, I feel like I’m not really of value to him and I’ve lost my confidence. I don’t know how to get his attention anymore. I’m not trying to arouse him, I want him to want to be my comforter, a companion. Not my roommate. I have dreams of mysterious men sometimes and it’s not even sexual, it’s just feels like a companion. Sometimes I cry thinking about girlfriends who I used to have and were really close with…almost felt less lonely when I was younger and single, venting about men to my friends 😂
He just looks right through me. I could be upset, discussing how lonely I feel and he’ll just disagree verbally with me in front of the children and completely move on, play with the kids, put the kids to bed, fall asleep on the couch. It hurts me so much. I wish he could at least put on a face for the kids and show my daughters his affection towards me.
Has anyone turned this around in their own marriage? Advice please!
@Goldenheart87
many people have had similar situations. people have tried many options I know I did.
The best option is to address it head on...I felt like a roommate unseen and unheard tried many options to act uninterested etc head games did not get the result I wanted.
We had a difficult conversation told him how I felt and using the I feel statements made it hard for him to turn back as he could not say how I felt was inaccurate or wrong. Was hard to deal with but had to get to the CORE issue. It is hard to get back to the friendship we used to have ... to really listen not just nod ... I would also suggest couples counseling if both parties were willing because without effort counseling does not work.
Have you come out and asked him how he feels about the current situation? Why he acts like you describe? Ask him about his day / work/ interests other than just house/ kids/ finances etc.?
Both partners sound unhappy and waiting for the other to change before we change is just a standoff. being able to communicate will help if things go worse and you need to co parent. preferably talking away from children is best but KIDS see it feel it and know you are not getting along. remind spouse of that.
@Goldenheart87
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