Lost affection with husband
I am a 40 year old indian woman, married, mother of a 3 year old girl. I had severe post partum depression but nobody understood me. Even my husband criticized me for my moods. After a year and half of struggling, he agreed to consult a psychiatrist. I am still in therapy (no pills). I am a full time working woman, living with my in laws. My husband lives in a different city due to work. We didn't get the space and privacy ever. We got intimate after 2 and half years (after i conceived). I use to get frustrated due to this that leads to constant arguements and stress. He thinks I am ungrateful for his care and I feel unheard and ignored. Whenever I plan for a trip, he also includes his parents. They constantly seek him whenever he is with me. They won't even have the daughter for some time so that we can have some intimacy. Now I have lost interest in him. I do love him but I am not attracted to him anymore. Its like I am with a friend. We do get intimate sometimes but I have lost all interest now. I don't even feel like kissing or touching him. There is no spark, no passion and I am losing affection for him. I want to separate but don't have the courage to go through with it.
@conscientiousWillow1156
I am sorry you are dealing with so much.
Have you spoken to your therapist about this? I too went through this with spouse and found my passion or spark was gone after all the little conflicts and unsaid annoyances. In your situation like the parents always there even on holiday never on your own.
Resentment even if we do not see it kills attraction and passion. while therapy may help you in a couples therapy both parties need to discuss things openly. tell him how you feel about the no time together / the constant presence of parents the need to be close and have intimacy and time alone on holiday etc.
My spouse has made some bad decisions before now he will not even make a silly choice of a place to eat. I grew resentful to always making choices and his refusal to take part. I can look at him in morning and smile while trying to remember what we once had.
Then when a silly small conflict like what to have for dinner or a chore he did not do ......I look over and only see him as unattractive in every way. It took time and understanding to check how i felt in moment to see resentment and anger colored my view.
@conscientiousWillow1156
I'm am sorry you're going through something like this. It can be very tough to deal with. Although I haven't been in your situation, it's a frustrating thing to not be intimate with your spouse. I'm not sure if you want to put pen to paper to express yourself to him in that manner. I believe you told him verbally and separation should be the last option honestly. I personally am going through somewhat of the same, but this is about you and your husband. Not sure exactly what his learning style is, but understand that might be helpful getting through to him. I hope things workout for the best for you two.
I have been expressing my thoughts to him multiple times. It has become frustrating. He repels me now. His first priority is his parents. They, particularly his father has lot of interference in his life (professional, personal, social). My husband is used to all tgis interference and he doesn't find anything unusual about his father's behaviour. Hr thinks I am the one who has issues with his parents.
@conscientiousWillow1156
This is really unfortunate. It seem like he's holding on to his parents like a crutch in a way. Will he be open to any type of counseling?
Not sure. He don't see any problem in our relationship.
I'm sure is been difficult to get him to see what you're seeing. Is there anyone else that can make him see reason or to stop and take you seriously in this matter?
