Lost attraction
Hi, newbie here looking for advice, looking for some advice on some issues. I have not experienced this before and I don't know what to do.
I 32M have been with my partner 30F for about 5 years. Over the last 6-7 months I have gradually lost all attraction I once had for her. There hasn't been any change to our circumstances or relationship as a whole, and I can't think of any triggering event.
As far as I can tell, she is still very much attracted to and in love with me, and happy with life in general.
She's always carried a bit of weight and been trying to lose it for several years but has not succeeded. She has said how uncomfortable she is and wants to change but fails at every attempt. Its never bothered me before but now I look at her and am concerned she is neglecting her long term health. It is totally turning me off as I work really hard to keep myself fit and healthy.
Our sex life is non existent and the only time we do have it, is always on the same day of the week, same positions, in the dark, before we go to sleep. Once a fortnight is the peak. Longest stretch is 6 weeks. There's no sponteneity or opportunity to initiate because by 9pm she's exhausted/headache/stomach ache/etc. I think part of this is due to her weight and self consciousness of it.
I am also frustrated at the lack of space between us. We are together all the time we are not at work or sleeping and I'm finding myself running out of things to talk about. She doesn't seem to have any hobbies and is content just watching TV, doing chores, or scrolling on her phone. Meanwhile I get no opportunity to explore my own interests, all I do is sit on the sofa with her or help with chores. I feel like my brain is rotting from boredom. We will occasionally do something fun on weekends but most of the time it is filled with chores or home improvements.
I'm starting to feel like we more like roommates than a couple. This is absolutely fixable and no grounds to end a relationship I am 100% invested in long term. I'm just feeling a bit trapped and stagnant. How do I best approach this?
It’s good that at least you don't want to give up. Thats amazing. Sincere advice is to talk it out to her. Tell her what is bothering up and come up with things to make it better.
If things do not get communicated timely, then it ultimately leads to unconsciously not wanting to be with the person. So, please talk it out before things get out of hand unconsciously
@helloPine6492
There can be different approaches and one of the quickest is to GO and do things you would like .. take a walk in evening after work or find a hobby you enjoy. Many think their partner will wake up and want to join you in whatever you are doing, Many do not.
From my experience... if partner still sits and scrolls or watches TV and you are making strides and effort to get out of house and do things ......... it made me lose more attraction for my partner and respect for them as well. I found others that had interests I liked and found myself wondering what IF.... after meeting others. Chatting with a few people and see how easy it would be to cross a line.
I spoke up and told partner how I feel...that I was losing attraction was bored out of my mind and did not like how our intimate life is going. Also told them time was not their friend .......I was tired of "someday we will....." etc.
Speak UP...tell her now .. about how you feel about her health... how you see it effecting her / your sex life etc. Speak up because if it gets worse or ends she should never say "I had no idea" ...
I spoke up big time and said I was done with the status quo it had become with my partner and they have made serious efforts/ improvements are more the fun person they used to be ...changed many things like the TV thing.
I feel a bit like too little too late, but they did make strides. I am trying to reconnect but when I look over at them sometimes I feel we lost so much time and opportunity and am frustrated. I can tell you the biggest regret i had about speaking up was waiting so long to do it.
