Low intimacy time
I am with my girlfriend for 3 years and she is the most kind and supportive person I have ever met. But she is also very quiet, calm and introverted.
I noticed that she doesn’t feel much sexual drive with me. I asked about it, and she said she didn’t think about this much. I asked whether she finds me attractive and she said yes.
But as time went on, I find this low drive is getting lower. Getting intimacy time together is probably lowest on her priority list. She is probably fine to not have it at all, even not me asking. I kept feeling “unwanted”. It also affected my self esteem. I tried to hold it in because I don’t want to pressure her, it made me feel worse.
She does care about me and look after me in life. Having said that, I did 90% cooking including when I got sick. It made me feel upset because I felt she cannot look after my need (sex and food).
She looks after me like looking after a plant or a piece of furniture…i appreciate it really. Otherwise, I won’t be feeling this dilemma.
I have been thinking recently whether we should break up. It is not her fault that she doesn’t want me. But I cannot get rid of this bitter feeling inside me.
@helpfulAvocado3412
Thank you for your reply. It did make me think about the questions you raised and I think they are very valid questions.
I always know from the beginning that her sex drive is lower than me, but the gap wasn’t as significant as how it is now. I remember this was my biggest concern before I stepped in this relationship - whether her feelings towards me is romantic/sexual or more like with friend/siblings/family. I had to confirm this with her multiple times before I actually believed her. She said firmly that she sees me as a lover.
It was the lack of passion on physical touches/sex made me feeling unsure in the first place and I think this is the same reason causing me feeling insecure three years later.
There are kisses, cuddles, long walks in our relationship and I really appreciate those moment. But as this issue re-occurs, I am not sure I will be able to put that behind and live with our differences for the decades to come.