Marriage help
I have split from my husband six months ago after I had an affair, even though the affair ended I still felt I shouldn’t be married to someone who i could cheat on. I never told him that happened we had other problems communication being the min and he works away. We went on a family recently that we had booked prior and I didn’t want to let the kids down. During this time we talked and he wants to try again so badly I said yes as I hate upsetting him l. But I’m unsure if I am doing this because I don’t feel I have a choice. My family are not supporting my choice to leave I feel guilty for the kids and it’s just difficult k ow what is right. Any wise words? Xx
@lavenderCircle1543 Perhaps you may find some soul-searching beneficial. Focusing on you and what it is that you are missing in your current relationship. Are you trying to distance yourself from unattractive elements in your marriage or searching for that which is missing? The affair may indicate both, yet since it ended, you may not have found that which you had hoped. Or maybe you were just looking for escape or distraction. Once you are sure of what a satisfying relationship looks like to you and that you can be an attractive partner, then you can determine if your husband can be that other half.
One thing is for certain. Maybe he wants to try again, but that’s because you haven’t told him about the infidelity yet.
If you ever want your marriage to succeed and improve, you need to be honest with each other. You need to commit to the sacrifice and devotion that is required to make a life time marriage work. Right now it sounds like you’re only doing it for the children’s sake, and you have some residual guilt motivating you from your parents pressuring you not to give up on the marriage. NO. Those are negative motivations to stay in your marriage. Negative emotions (like fear, loneliness, guilt, external pressures) do not generate positive momentum. Nothing good grows from negative motivations.
If you can find positive reasons to stay with your husband, love, desire, loyalty, the potential that you will be in a happier place together in your relationship, then YES maybe that is worth another try. But if in your heart you have already honestly resigned and given up, and feel the need to move on and explore relationships elsewhere, then going through the motions of trying again is just deceiving everyone and cannot end well. It’s unfortunate for the children, but you have already strayed from your marriage for whatever reasons previously - committing to your husband again does not seem to be what your heart truly desires.
Whatever you decide, you must be true to yourself. You can always co-parent the children or come to some kind of arrangement to be responsible. But unless you both genuinely want to repair the damage in your marriage, and explore all the reasons why your marriage failed to begin with, and do all the difficult work of discussing and resolving your issues, then it’s definitely not something that should be attempted only half heartedly. It will be wasting everyone’s time and causing everyone unnecessary grief.
CatsInTheCradle
