Marriage issue, alcohol, shifting blame

I’m going to use voice text because it’s easier for me so hopefully the words make sense. Basically my husband is an alcoholic and it will be a year in April that we’ve been married. He has had instances in the past where he’s got really drunk and said some hurtful things to me and has yelled at me and things like that. He got sober in May of last year, and I was really proud of him, but then he had a few little hiccups here in there where he started drinking again maybe only once or twice in that time. Well basically this weekend he got drunk, maybe partially my fault because I told him he could have one drink because he was seeming to control his addiction better so I told him he could have one drink, but that was it and we agreed on that well that one drink turned into many more when I left the house later that night on Saturday or later that afternoon, I’m sorry and when he told me he had more I had hung up on him and disappointment. I didn’t yell. I didn’t say anything. I just hung up and continued about my business. I called his mom who lives down the street and told her I was worried about going home because he started texting me. You know like some stuff that made me think that he would start a fight when I got home and so she said she would go down there and talk to him well after she talked to him he got mad at me for asking her to come over and we got in an argument and when we got married, I left my town that I lived in and I left my own place and everything I moved in with him and he was saying how this was his house and yeah, have fun walking around in the yard I pay for and all this other stuff which was really bothering me because it should be our house since we’re married and so I told him I had to go somewhere and I ended up leaving and driving to my old town to sleep over at my mom‘s house because I didn’t want any issues or to get yelled at or whatever and I told him that I was going to do that like after I left and so he started texting me things that I always run away. I’m the problem, good job and all this other stuff just kind of making me feel bad oh, and by the way when his mom was over, he had told her that basically I used him for his money. He thinks I’m cheating on him. I’m just like all his other exes and I don’t appreciate him, so that was really hurtful that he was saying bad things about me to other people and like painting an image of me and that really bothers me because that’s not the case at all so anyways fast-forward he ended up going out to a bar and he’s done this in the past and he knows it’s a boundary for me that I don’t want him to do this and he went out to a bar and he claims that he played pool with some people that he met at the bar, but I’m really insecure about like if he talked to other women if he did other stuff and regardless, it’s just messed up as a single man to go to the bar especially when you’re telling me that I’m probably cheating on you and have fun screwing around and all this other stuff he was saying to me he basically was saying that I was using him for his money and all that other stuff I told you that he said and he kept saying that and it’s just ridiculous because we don’t even have joint accounts I pay for my stuff. He took me on vacation last weekend and he bought me tires for my car and I didn’t ask him to do that and he threw it up in my face anyways I called him the next morning and he said he was busy and hung up on me and told me to leave him alone because I told him I was done and I came home that afternoon and he didn’t speak to me at all. He also didn’t speak to me the next day then the next day he wrote me a note and put it by my bedside table apologizing, but to me that wasn’t enough and now I’m just having a lot of resentment and I’m having a hard time letting go and forgiving him and I don’t know what to do like if I should divorce Him like I feel like he never takes full accountability and he tries to blame me for some of the stuff like he said it takes two to tango and he said I could’ve talked to him and I could’ve did this and I could’ve done that and it’s just like OK but are you not taking responsibility for everything you said to me it’s just not OK and I just feel like I don’t know how to move forward because now I’m gonna be like thinking about all the things he said about me that weren’t true and thinking about that after we move forward in our marriage or if he ever buys me anything I’m gonna be thinking about wow he thinks I’m using him and it’s hard to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you. I told him I wanted a divorce even though I really don’t want that, but I don’t really know what I want to be honest and he teared up and he was saying that he was gonna fight for me and he didn’t want that, but I don’t know what to do. I feel very disrespected. I have hatred inside of me. He ain’t his way always jsut a few times when he has drank but it’s enough to make me resent him.