Marriage on its last thread.
Hi my marriage is on its last thread due to my recent episode two days ago. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and alcohol abuse. I was stressed and depressed two days ago from both of my jobs one I own a company. So I had to cover a shift which lead to my poor decision making. My parnter suffered the 5 years together from my drinking and at one point I was 1.5 years sober until we both agreed I can drink beer only and drink with her since she or I can't trust myself drinking by myself or with my friends. So I chose to drink two days ago while my partner was out of state for their job. I didn't cut myself off I drank until I blacked out and said hurtful things to her and my sister. My partner came back home yesterday and before they came home they stated not to talk to them, about the recent episode, doesn't want a hug or a kiss from me, and not talk about their trip for work. We slept in different rooms I didn't eat anything yesterday nor was feeling hungry, I just isolated myself from them so they could have their peace and not be bother by my presence. We talked today but I let them know I am not motivated to do anything today and that I am still depressed (from how I hurt their feelings and trust) they gave me what I should do if I want this to last and I do agree with what they stated seek therapy, quit drinking, find better way to deal with my depression than what I normally do which is drink and self destruct. After our talk I stated that I will still sleep in a different room to continue there space and both be bothered by my presence. I really don't want to lose them it's just hard when all I ever saw from my mom was to drink problems away which I can see doesn't make anything better just worse. My mom is 15 years sober I am glad for her but she has given me trauma as a child. Like my partner asked why doesn't the thought of drinking won't do anything better or maybe I shouldn't drink because I am depressed and stressed. I was scared to talk with my partner and was feeling anxious but I still feel depressed and anxious if I am going to f up again and lose them. Ugh I hate myself and my poor decisions I wish I was a better partner and handle my emotions and thoughts.
@JayNative23
As a spouse of a person who has about 5 yrs sober.... the idea of one beer while in your partners presence was NOT a good idea...i think you both knew what happened could happen.
What are you doing about your stress and depression? What other coping strategy do you have?
YOU know the drinking is adding gas to your issues and yet surprised at the heat of a huge fire.
it is not about them or your mother....... it is about you........ make good decisions for You. Your health / your sanity and be the person you want to be and the rest falls into place.
it is stressful and depressing when you are trying to live for others and not having self care.... while giving them space and worried about their reactions.... where is their support for you?
Marriage is a team sport and if both sides are on the sidelines who is on the field playing the game.
@toughTiger6481
My partner and I agreed after 1.5 years being sober that I could only drink beer around them. They wasn't in state when Friday night happen they weren't in my presence. But I am going to kick it for good this time not just for them but mostly for myself. I do need to learn better ways to help with my depression and stress and anxiety also for my better decision making.
Yes it does suck that support is not fully there or just don't seek it when they are having a tough day or week from there work. But I will try to be more vocal about my depression and stress and anxiety.
@JayNative23
I get what you are saying I too agreed to a bad idea ... it ended badly with a slip up ... i too was out of town ...... i was not be judgmental i walked that road.
Yes you do need to speak up and work as a team or the resentment will build i walked that road too.
I hope you the best in making strong choices... for you ...
@toughTiger6481
She gave me ultimatums and I need to be in therapy and quit drinking by Jan or she is leaving. I get it I do need the help and will seek out but doesn't one think that's a little to fast because Jan is less than a month away? My mother will wire me money for therapy and health care. But to expect someone to be completely sober by Jan is crazy. I will try my best to. My family is nothing but alocohlics so it's not just something like hey I am going to quit today but next day I am stressed and depressed you get what I am saying? I understand the frustration I put her through and will work on it but I only have 2-3weeks to get this together. Please pray for me
@JayNative23
I will pray for you but that only helps the drinking . where is she taking responsibility for the one beer agreement and not giving the support you need .
I agree that time frame is problematic ...... and you can try but do not fall back to "family were alcoholics so" ... that is rationalization... Your wife is done with this.
