Men Explain why a boy would do this? The psychology?
I have a question for the Men. I would Like your perspective on why a man would behave a certain way. This is a man in his 40's so he is not a kid. I dated him for a year and half. In that year he rarely complimented my appearance. He said I was pretty one time. When we would go out on a nice date and I dressed up he never said anything. He did not post me on social media. I even followed him on *** and he did not follow me back. One of the reasons the relationship ended was I found out he was liking, hearting and commenting on women's pics on social media. Not like celebrities, but normal girls. He was my friend for a short while on fb and never liked my photos. On one of the girls pics he commented "gorgeous"
What makes a man do this? Did he just not find me attractive? This was not necessarily lustful likes, like most of the girls were fully dressed. Why date a girl if you do not find her attractive? He even said he wasn't really man of words but he showed through actions, which I thought his actions showed that he was attracted to me but then he could post gorgeous on another womans post. Is it just immaturity? Is he being purposely cruel, like if maybe he never compliments me I wont realize I'm beautiful and stay with him lol? Stupid me was trying all this time to get him to acknowledge me and find me pretty, so I lied to myself and told myself he just couldn't express well. When he sure knows how to compliment the online women. I know I am dumb, you dont have to tell me. I guess what threw me off is I didnt expect this from the character he showed me and I didn't expect it at this age. If I was 20 this would make a lot more sense. He claims he desires a healthy woman naturally beautiful, not a ton of make up. All the girls he like were tons of makup and opposite of me. Guys why not go after what you like instead of pretending you want a healthy woman and trying to break her spirit. That gorgeous comment hurt so bad. Oh man.
@SomeHope2022
Honestly, being a man doesn't give me a key to understand other man's strange behaviour.
I know how important it is to compliment women, especially the woman you love.
And a woman doesn't have to be undressed, I think, to be seen as alluring.
It looks as if this boy lived in two separate worlds: online and real, with separate standards for each of these worlds? But how he cannot compliment you online remains a mystery.
I'd say it's more immaturity than any purposeful action. Maybe he is suffering from the internet delusion of having too many options?
I like women in makeup, and I will keep telling you that - not anything else, just to please you. So, double standards of your partner do not seem too good 😕 Sorry to hear that, it must be really confusing to you.
@SomeHope2022
Just a side note: I think it is nothing bad when I say that, for example, I don't like Ariana Grande, but I think Susan Sarandon was gorgeous in a movie I watched recently.
Maybe the man is treating those social media photos like the images of celebrities or anime characters, unreal? And maybe there is not much danger as long as he doesn't want to meet them in person or to have private conversations with them.
However, the problem of him NOT telling compliments to you remains. Did you tell him you'd appreciate his compliments? What was his reaction?
@jacek73 I understand that, the only problem with these girls is I am not for sure that they are not ones he dated in the past. One I know was a high school friend. One lives in the next city over which he visits regularly for work stuff. So I do not know if these are women he has relationships with.
I did tell him I thought it was strange that he never complimented me. I said I didnt know if he thought I was pretty. He never would reassure me. He responded that he did compliment me and he was more of a man of action not words. Ive never dressed up before and not had the guy at least say, "you look nice" It made me start to think he really didnt think I was attractive. I feel like this has really messed with my mind
@SomeHope2022
You are right, that doesn't sound too good.
Being "a man of actions, not words"? - with his actions being paying compliments to other women and not paying them to you? Hm...
From my experience, I am telling compliments to female co-workers a few times a week. But it certainly involves respecting someone's boundaries, for example, I believe, it can be nice to notice your colleague's new hairstyle, a new blouse or funny earrings, but not their new wonder bra.
The latter could too easily lead to misunderstandings. Especially while bearing in mind the fact that some people are complimenting others not to show them admiration and support (or just wanting to make their day brighter!), but expecting some "instant gratification" or "favour" in return.
Also, I am aware of the fact that if I were in a relationship again, the vast majority of my compliments (those about wonder bra allowed this time, too) would go (completely for free; or not: for such a nice person being with me) to my partner.
I hope this is not too relatable for your situation, but do you know what was hurting me the most when I tried dating? In football terms, that was a feeling of being a "reserve players", the last option for someone, just in case some more attractive options fail. I think each of us wants to be a "top player" in his or her relationship, being gladly and deliberately chosen by their partner for every game.
I think everyone deserves to be an appreciated first-line player in her or his relationship...
@jacek73 I like what you said in your last paragraph. I think with social media and other things in our culture we tend to think we have all these options and also I think the older people get the more they tend to settle. So they say this person will do, if no one else is available. We all have a human desire to be wanted and chosen by a love. I am sorry if you were ever made to feel like you were a reserve. I was definitely his reserve. I had qualities that he felt were hard to find in a woman but I was not the woman he wanted so he was settling for me because he was getting older and didn't want to be alone I dont plan to date ever again but if I did, I have to be a first-line player for sure.