Mixed messages
Yesterday, while attending synagogue, I noticed that a family, who I used to attend an old synagogue were visiting.
I left their synagogue because the people there were cold and rebuffed me because I didn’t fit into their perfect mold. However, I not only stood up to them but I gave them a bad review. The people at their synagogue have said I am the one with the problem and have told others not to associate with me.
On the other hand, I had a history of getting along really well with the wife of this family. When I approached her, she gave me a hug and seemed like she was happy to see me, she didn’t seem like she wanted to catch up. Instead, she take, “Take care”. When I went to hug her husband, he was cold.
However, I noticed that they didn’t seem to say a word to anyone and nor did they seem interested in staying for lunch. When I tried to talk to them after service , the wife seemed to rebuff me so I left. After that, I just felt icky and empty.
Have you ever wondered … “Why do dogs make us happy?”
As soon as dogs come into a room, they are immediately excited! They are racing about, exploring and sniffing everything, tails wagging, the whole room is an adventure to them! They are bundles of affection. They don’t know if a person is good or bad, selfish or unselfish, friendly or unfriendly. They will still march right up to strangers and nuzzle and cuddle regardless. It is that unassuming nature that warms us to them. They have a kind of purity in their approach, they are generous with themselves, they bring enthusiasm to every interaction, they are always genuine and sincere.
Humans are different. We are sometimes calculating, always wondering “What do I want from that person…? What can they offer me?” Whether it is status, validation, popularity, their company and companionship, we often characterise our relationships and friendships in terms of what others can offer us, instead of what we can offer to them. We are focused on how others make us happy instead of what happiness we bring to the world. We criticise those who do not meet our standards, and even our friendships suffer because we are constantly evaluating everyone and complaining. And so sometimes we become reserved and isolated in this way of thinking - Because it is hard to be around negativity, it is hard to be confronted with criticism and constant scrutiny.
So I feel like human relationships could improve if we instead adopted mentalities more like dogs! Judge less. Be more open in our approach. Focus less on “Do we like that person?” And focus more inwardly on being generous with our own spirit and character. Think about how we can improve everyone’s happiness before thinking about how they can improve ours. We should learn to celebrate human connection and difference, even those who reject us and scorn us, for they are merely people who lack generosity of spirit and character. If we dwell on their rejection, if we focus on those negative interactions, we suddenly feel constantly attacked, isolated, we will become bitter and feel our spirit become more disconsolate and diminished. It is a suffering that we inflict on ourselves with our choices (to ruminate on past hurts), more than it is a suffering inflicted upon us by others.
CatsInTheCradle
